babysue®: LMNOP® Goddamn Reviews - December Goddamn 2004

Clay Aiken
Yasser Arafat
Michael Bolton
George Bush
Cher Kenny Chesney
Comment Piece
John Denver
Destiny's Child
Eminem Elton John
Snoop Dogg
U2
Oprah Winfree

*There Are No Goddamn Top Picks This Month.

Additional Goddamn Items Received

RATING SYSTEM:
= GODDAMN!!!
= EXCELLENT
= VERY GOOD
= GOOD
= FAIR
= SHITTY

December 2004 Goddamn Comment Piece:
In Praise of Celebrities

The world are a BEAUTIFUL and HAPPY place...full of INTELLIGENT and WONDERFUL peoples! Every day are an incredible and great experiences! We are so lucky that there is so many TALENTED and UNIQUE entertainers to make the world even BETTER than it already ARE! Super famous celebrities IS the BEST people in the world! We should WATCH their every movements...LISTEN to every word they SPEAKS...and IMITATE the way they DRESSES! After all, they IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than WE ALL IS!

LET US PRAY (all kneel):

Oh Father...who art in Heaven...hallow is we all...them celebrities come...from wherever they come from...while we rot on earth watching them take diamond showers in Heaven. Give them expensive food and clothing...while we eat cheap bad food and wear head rags...and let us not be jealous...for them celebrities is our KINGDOM...and they is our POWER...forever and ever...AMEN.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Clay Aiken - Merry Christmas With Love (CD, Holiday pop)
Funny how most people are so violently opposed to same sex marriage...and yet these same people idolize the ground that Clay Aiken walks upon. Don't these morons realize that Aiken is a homo...?!? Geez...it's so goddamn obvious. But then, as most of our readers are well aware, people are idiots. Stinking goddamn idiots. And their idols are always crummy and shameless assholes. Merry Christmas With Love...what a CORNY title. What a SHITTY CD. And it's bound to sell MILLIONS of copies, of course. Eat up the shit, Christmas idiots. Eat it up now...so that you can squirt it into the toilet six months from now. Buy lots of toilet paper during the holidays because next year you're going to need it. (Rating: 1)

Yasser Arafat (Dead leader kind of thing)
Ah, such a great loss. Yasser Arafat...what a handsome man. And what a snappy dresser. he was He meant so much to so many. And now he's dead. Totally and completely dead. Whatever in the world are we going to do now...? Oh well. When one dies there will always be ten million more to take its place. (Rating: 1)

Michael Bolton - Vintage (CD, Pop)
When the HELL is this guy going to get OFF the CRAPPER...? When you're a singer, the one thing you need...more than anything else...is a GOOD VOICE. So...HOW on EARTH did this guy become a singer...??? Vintage is yet another terrible smelly turd dropped from the aging asshole of a man so ugly and retarded that even Jesus hates him. Are you a Michael Bolton fan? If so, you are most definitely in the WRONG AREA of the INTERNET... (Rating: 1)

Cher - I Got All Famous and Stuff Even Though I Got No Talent (CD, Pop)
Pop sensation Cher finally reveals the truth to her legion of fans. On her autobiographical album I Got All Famous and Stuff Even Though I Got No Talent, the queen diva goes into great detail describing how her career was built entirely on an image. In the opening track ("Give Me More Make-Up"), Cher sings: Give me pretty dresses and expensive shoes...so I will never have to sing good...there are millions of idiots dumb enough to support me...I'll just dress up like a queen and they all will adore me. Cher later shares other startling revelations: (a) that her vagina has been sewn shut since she was a twelve, (b) that she abuses animals at night, (c) that she has a problematic, dysfunctional rectum, and (d) that she sometimes hires prostitutes and kills them. Possibly her best album ever, this disc is pure proof of the proof that proof is... (Rating: 1)

Kenny Chesney - Duller Than Dull (CD, Country)
Do you ever wonder why some people hate country music so much? It could be because folks like Kenny Chesney exist. What a cheesy...ugly...no-talent little shit. If this asshole ain't a toaster-popping hippie then shit...he might as well be. Go to Hell, Mr. Chesney. Go to Hell and choke on your own goddamn vomit. (Rating: 1)

John Denver - Thank God I'm A Dead Country Boy: Greatest Hits (CD, Folk/pop)
What an incredible man John Denver was. What great songs he wrote. And there has never ever been a more handsome man. Too bad he's dead now. Dead and buried in the ground...never to chirp his fake little environmentally-conscious songs ever again. Thank God I'm A Dead Country Boy collects the worst of the worst...all the tunes that retards have come to know and love...conveniently collected on one big rotten disc for all to enjoy. Belch. (Rating: 1)

George Bush (A moronic asshole kind of thing that pretends to be a Christian just to get goddamn votes...and the Christians are so goddamn stupid and gullible that they fall for it)
When given a choice, the majority of people will always make the wrong decision. Narrow-minded Christians re-elected the violent illiterate hate-monger because they identified with his moral values. Now that makes a lot of sense...doesn't it? (Rating: 1-)

Destiny's Child - Destiny Fulfilled (CD, Pop)
How could anyone in their right mind listen to such stinky slop...let alone buy it...??? More proof that people have no taste whatsoever...particularly when it comes to music. Generic, predictable, and crappy...Destiny Fulfilled is another smelly turd dropped from that nasty big old corporate asshole in the sky... (Rating: 1)

Eminem - Encore (CD, Crap hop)
He isn't shocking. He isn't offensive. His music certainly isn't innovative. He is dull. Dull and boring. Eminem is a worthless piece of trailer trash whose music appeals to people stupid enough to think he's "cool" and "with it." Why would any white man try to look and act like a black man anyway...? Eminem is a true retard with nothing to offer. That's why he's so popular...because people worship and idolize worthless faggot retards. (Rating: 1)

Elton John - Peachtree Road (CD, Pop)
Another shitty album from a truly shitty old homosexual fart. This time the album was named after a shitty road in the shitty city of Shitlanta. The result? A totally shitty experience. It's hard to believe that this old faggot was actually credible once upon a time. Now all he can do is travel around the globe pooting out AIDS banter. Recommended for anyone stupid enough to buy it. (Rating: 1)

Snoop Dogg - R&G (Rhythm & Gangsta): The Masterpiece (CD, Crap hop)
He isn't shocking. He isn't offensive. His music certainly isn't innovative. He is dull. Dull and boring. This is the man loved by millions...? If you don't hate black people already, a few spins of R&G (Rhythm & Gangsta): The Masterpiece should change that in an instant. Snoop Dogg is an ugly stinking fart. His music sucks...just like his ugly goddamn face. If he wasn't a celebrity, no one would even hire him for a minimum wage job. Go to Hell, Snoop Dogg. Go to Hell and rot there. Your fame is proof of how screwed up the human race is. (Rating: 1)

U2 - How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb (CD, Pop)
It isn't so surprising that the shittiest band in the world is still making music...but it is somewhat surprising that there are still enough people around dumb enough to support them. U2...the crappiest of the crappers...and they continue churning out vapid shit...year after year...after year. Supreme political dickhead Bono is about as ugly and pathetic as you can get...yet some people still think that he's super "cool" and "hip." How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb stinks even worse than the band's usual liquified farts. Recommended for really shallow morons. (Rating: 1)

Oprah Winfree - Amos and Andy and Oprah (Graphic DVD)
What does Oprah Winfree do in her spare time? This DVD offers some shocking revelations...as the best-known talk show host "gets down" with Amos and Andy. During this two-hour romp in the hay, we were horribly offended by the trio's excessive use of "the N word"...very inappropriate indeed! There is no reason on earth they should need to scream such profanity at each other in the middle of love-making. Ms. Winfree gets so worked up at one point that she can hardly even talk (now that's a first...). Recommended for all Oprah fans...as well as anyone who ever hated the hell out of Martin Luther King's stinking idiot wife Coretta... (Rating: 1)

Additional Items Received:

Gerald White - You'll always remember

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