Poetry (2007 - 2016)
by LMNOP aka dONW7
Poetry (2007 - 2016)
by LMNOP
aka dONW7
A NERVE SPLAT
There is splats
Of some pony
In the mind of
Nerve One.(November 2016)
DEAL-A-SQUEAL
Mickey pig.
Mousey pouch.
Britches witches.
Frowny blouse.(November 2016)
MARCH AWAY
Years away.
Months away.
Weeks away.
Days away.(November 2016)
TROUSERS VS. BRITCHES
Trousers and
Britches in the
World without
Stitches.(November 2016)
ZINIZ 7
Ziniz 7.
7 ziniz.7Z7Z, NZ7.
NZ7.
Ziniz 7.
(November 2016)
BLIND
Everyone is
Blind.(October 2016)
ELFLESS
If you've seen
One elf you've
Seen 'em
All.(October 2016)
NORF SOUFF
Norf.
Souff.
Wutt thuh diffunse
Izz?(October 2016)
SHRUB
All you need is
Shrub.(October 2016)
YOU NEVER
You never think.
You never breathe.
You never eat.
You never change.
You never live.
You never move.(October 2016)
MAYBE ONE DAY
Maybe one day
I will make changes in my life.
Maybe one day
I will do the things I always wanted to do.
Maybe one day
Things will magically work out on their own.But maybe not
Because there are
No days
Left.(September 2016)
I BELIEVE
I believe what
I am taught to
Believe.
(September 2016)
BAD BREAD
Bread is
Bad.
(September 2016)
PHONYS
Phony is
As phony
Does.
(September 2016)
THROWAWAY
Take the things
That matter most and
Throw them all
Away.
(September 2016)
COOK AND THROW
Cook a bunch of stuff
And throw it in the
Road.
(July 2016)
GOOD AND NICE, REALLY
Let's all be good and
Let's all be nice.
Let's all be really really good and
Really really
Nice.
(July 2016)
NOW IS THE PAST
Now is the past and
Then is the future.
(July 2016)
ROVER IS BIRD
Rover was once
Dog but now
Rover is
Bird.
(July 2016)
WATCHES
Watches don't
Tell time.
Watches don't do
Anything.
(July 2016)
POPULAR DUCK
This duck is a
Popular duck.
(June 2016)
LO-MEAN
If you can't
Eat your noodles,
Argue with them.
(June 2016)
ZIMULAR
Burzelle mundor.
Burzelle pribb.
Pribb nyuleet,
Nyuleet quib.
(June 2016)
ALTER EGO
Your cheap
Alter ego
Is shoddy and
Ridiculous.
(April 2016)
DIXIE
The cup
Is for what name will call
Dixie.
(April 2016)
MORESO
The more you know,
The dumber you
Become.
(April 2016)
TIPPY TOP
Top.
Tippy top.
Tippy tippy top.
(April 2016)
RED INSIDE
The bird is blue outside.
The bird is red inside.The bird is green outside.
The bird is red inside.The bird is black outside.
The bird is red inside.The bird is red outside.
The bird is red inside.
(April 2016)
BABY BABY
Baby
Had baby and then
That baby had
Baby.
(March 2016)
HUP
Hup, two, three,
Four.
Hup, two, three,
Four.
(March 2016)
MARCH TO HELL
We all
March to Hell.
We all just
March to Hell.
(March 2016)
POP POODLE
Poodle is
Popular for
No good
Reason.
(March 2016)
WAS NEVER
Never here.
Never there.
Never, never
Anywhere.
(March 2016)
AWFULLY AWFUL
Awful.
Awful, awful,
Awful.
(February 2016)
GRAIN
Take this
Grain and
Cheese it.
(February 2016)
OVENS FOR BOBBY
These ovens
Can only be used by
Bobby.
(February 2016)
SATURATED
The nature of
Buffers is triangular and
Fabricated.
(February 2016)
WORMY AREA
This area is
Infested by
Worms.
(February 2016)
BECAUSE
Just because
You have a sex organ
Doesn't mean you
Have to
Use it.
(January 2016)
NEUROFINITE
The distance
Between something and nothing
Is neurotic.
(January 2016)
SUSTAINABLE
Nothing is
Sustainable.
Nothing will ever be
Sustainable.
(January 2016)
THOUGHTS
No thoughts
Are worth expressing.
No thought should ever
Be given to
Anything.
(January 2016)
UGLY SUGAR
Everything's ugly
With sugar on
Top.
(January 2016)
YOU DON'T NEED
You don't need food.
You don't need air.
You don't need water.You just don't need 'em.
(November 2015)
CONSUMERS
Everything
That we consume
Now consumes
Us.
(November 2015)
NO LIMITS
Conserve and use
As few resources as possible
While no limits are ever set
On how much businesses
Can manufacture.(November 2015)
PRETTY BOTTLE
If the bottle
Is pretty
The product
Must be
Good.
(November 2015)
SMARTNOT
People aren't
Very
Smart.
(November 2015)
AWFUL
Everything and
Everyone is
Awful.
(October 2015)
KNOW NO BETTER
People don't
Know no
Better.
(October 2015)
NO SOLUTIONS
There are no
Solutions.It is better
To endlessly swim around
In a pool of confusion
Than find solutions
For your
Problems.
(October 2015)
ROLL OVER
It is better
To die
Than roll over and
Try.
(October 2015)
WOOLFNER
Woolfner come
To take.
Woolfner mean
To kill.
Woolfner want
To harm.
Boofner weedle
Skeel.
(October 2015)
BEEFER DEEM
Beefer for the
Meef and
Pander for the
Deem.
(September 2015)
FOUR WORDS THAT SHOULD NEVER BE USED EVER
Viral.
Smartphone.
Selfie.
App.
(September 2015)
MOUND ON RUGS
This is your mound.
This is rugs.
This is your mound on
Rugs.
(September 2015)
TYPICAL
Everyone is
Typical.
(September 2015
WIMPS
Wimps can't
Think.
Wimps can't
Cope.
Wimps can't
Face the world,
Nope.
(September 2015)
BLOP FLOP
The Blop
On Flop
Is Tippety
Top.
(August 2015)
DO DON'T DO
People do
What they want to do
And they don't do
What they don't want
To do.
(August 2015)
N'MATTER
Matter
Doesn't
Matter.
(August 2015)
SUDDENLY NOWHERE
Suddenly here,
Suddenly there,
Suddenly,
Suddenly
Nowhere.
(August 2015)
BIG IN A PLANKET
See how transcribe this or from this point.
It's basically a lot of noise
And we'll see what it comes up with.Here's a blowing up my high hat Riverview deep cut.
Alberdale resume cares possum
All of marriage after.
(June 2015)
DOSE
Allen, my Al tower up.
So if you kinda some mail, Carol
Of mood in way, Kyle.Look router used to,
Pistol out.L following may error.
(June 2015)
LIMA NIBBLE
Slip good last night.
Hope you slept good last night.
I slip it's last night.
I hope you slept good last night.
I was with good last night.
I hope you sleep good last night.
I just looked at last night.
I hope you sleep good last night and
Now we're going to go to
The known since factor.
(June 2015)
PURPOSPEROUS
We're at make sound and
See what it comes out to.Was bags above while if it works,
Okay this.
I'm not certain types a while.
And also big flag matter,
Away at my house.So I was delayed them at fallible
Or all the less now
Or for moles.
(June 2015)
TWANNER
Call me on the Hales day.
Pails hi that this is sure you'll speak to.Bah.
After now correct night.
Little girl,
At a little obligate it.
(June 2015)
VILLY
Make T list of backed off
This Disney issue shoot.
You should move.
(June 2015)
YUCKERS
Hi, okay what repeater of llama.
Bye, the immediate area there early.
I'd be in my, I'll be in last.
It's me John F of the a jog lab
And I have a John baba here.I've got a call back okay.
Bob John ownership glob, happy.
Have even more of a job turned up there.
(June 2015)
ACHIEVEMENT
If we
All work together
We can't achieve
Anything.
(April 2015)
COLD AND DEAD
The reason you feel
Cold and dead
Inside
Is because you are
Cold and dead
Inside.
(April 2015)
TECHNOWORSE
Technology
Makes life
Worse.
(April 2015)
STAND UP
When you
Stand up for
What you believe in
You become
Small and
Insignificant.
(April 2015)
SPRINGTIME #627
Spring is when
Everything
Dies.
(April 2015)
SUNSETS
After the sun sets
This evening it will
Never rise
Again.
(March 2015)
FROM WILL
From now on
Blue will be green.
From now on
Orange will be purple.
From now on
Clear will be off white.
From now on
Purple will be red.
(March 2015)
IN THE WAY
Cars are in the way.
Trees are in the way.
Animals are in the way.
People are in the way.
(March 2015)
OCEANIC
There are twenty-seven oceans,
Four more than were
Originally thought to
Exist.One was a stream that
Had been neglected.
One was a puddle that
Was never retrieved.
Another was a river that
Never really ran.
The last was a droplet whose
Middle name was
Fran.
(March 2015)
HERE IS THE THING
Here is the thing
That you have always longed for.
Here is the thing
That you have dreamed of having for so many years.
Here is the thing
That you have always wanted your entire life.
Now that you have the thing
It is time to
Obsess on a
Different
Thing.
(December 2014)
WHAT EVERYONE WANTS
Now I have
What everyone wants
Yet no one seems
Able to find
It.
(December 2014)
BUM
Feed the bum.
Help the bum.
Encourage the bum then
Scold the bum.
(December 2014)
MUFFS AVEC PINDU
C'et muffs
Avec pindu.C'et tres muffs
N'pas pindu.
(December 2014)
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU
There it is
Right in front of you.
You cannot see it
Because it is
There.
(December 2014)
DO UNTO OTHERS
Treat other people
Like you yourself
Would like to see
Them treated.
(October 2014)
GEORGIA OFF MY MIND
Georgia.
The state that
Ain't so
Great.
(October 2014)
PURNT
Everything
Don't got to
Have no
Purnt.
(October 2014)
REMEMBER WHATEVER
Can't remember
Whatever it was
That happened
Whenever that was.
(October 2014)
WITH THOSE WHO IS FORGOT
There is no value for
Maintaining of connection
With those who is
Forgot.
(October 2014)
FLUFFY DOPE
The fluffy thing
That was your dope.
Where is it now?
Not nowhere,
Nope.
(September 2014)
BUH
You sez
Buh.
Ah sez
Buh-MAH-doe.
(September 2014)
JUST LIKE PAPA
You look
Just like Papa.
You scowl
Just like Papa.
You pinch
Just like Papa.
You mrowl
Just like Papa.
(September 2014)
QUOTA
Here.
This is your
Quota.
Spend it however you
Like.
(September 2014)
YES, YES, NO
Does you liking cheese?
Yes, yes, no.
Does your riding thing working?
Yes, yes, no.
Does you shake up when thirsty?
Yes, yes, no.
Does you say yes twice then no?
Yes, yes, no.
(September 2014)
OPERATING SYSTEM
It's neat
How operating systems
Are continually
Changing.
(August 2014)
LOVELY DAY
It a lovely day today
And it will be
Another lovely day
Tomorrow.
(August 2014)
RATTY RATS
Millions of little
Ratty rats
Running around
In mazes.
(August 2014)
A.C.C.
Always
Choose
Confusion.
(August 2014)
NUTRITION
It doesn't matter
How nutritious anything
Is.
(August 2014)
TAKE
Take and take and
Take and take and
Take and take
And take.
(June 2014)
MAGNETS
Magnets
Is good for
Eating.
(June 2014)
SCOOT
Scoot. Scoot.
Scoot. Scoot.
Scoot. Scoot.Scoot.
(June 2014)
C IS FOR M
K is for B.
R is for Y.
W is for D.
C is for M.
(June 2014)
HELL PRETTY
Hell is
Pretty.
Hell is real
Real pretty.
(June 2014)
DOOR
Closing a door
Is the same as
Opening a
Door.
(May 2014)
KINGS AND QUEENS
Kings and Queens
Use their power
To treat others
Like dirt.
(May 2014)
SHADOW BLIND FOLLOW
All those who follow
Are blind and
Shallow.
(May 2014)
WORLD BAD
The world is
Bad.
(May 2014)
TARTER SAUCE
If it looks
Like a duck and
Walks like a duck
It's probably
Tarter sauce.
(May 2014)
BAND
Everyone is in a band
And they all sound
The same.
(April 2014)
DIFFERENTIAL
Our differences
Don't mean
Anything.
(April 2014)
PUNCTUATION
Never ever use a period.
Could you please refrain from using question marks?
Exclamation points are the absolute worst!
And never ever end a sentence with a semi-colon;
(April 2014)
SPOON SPOT
Ignore the
Spoon spot
And it will go
Away.
(April 2014)
WALLY'S HEART
Have a heart.
Have half a heart.
Have three hearts.
Have fifteen thousand six hundred and seventy-seven
Hearts.
(April 2014)
SAYS MEOW
The duck says Meow.
The horse says Meow.
The mouse says Meow.
The grocer says Meow.
The antelope says Meow.
The fluid says Meow.
The flower says Meow.
The computer says Meow.
The cloud says Meow.
The stinky says Meow.
The squirrel says Meow.
The cow says Meow.
The world says Meow.
(March 2014)
NO BUSINESS
There is
No business.
There never has been any
Business.(March 2014)
B IS FOR C
B is for Bunny.
B is for Bash.
B is for Bouncy.
C is for Cash.(March 2014)
LETTUCE
Minces and pieces
From honesty stems.
The nurses and snickers
Pick holiday pins.(March 2014)
WAGGY McPLEASE
Deem the plow for Waggy McPlease,
Seam all the busters and clusters of now.
Fan up the cow town and dust up the bonnets,
Straw buff the sonnets, for up ton and wow.
(March 2014)
CRUMMY OUNCE
An ounce
Of prevention is
Crummy.(January 2013)
MIDDLE EASTER
Everything is fine in
The Middle East.
Everyone gets along in
The Middle East.
Life is easy and carefree in
The Middle East.(January 2013)
STOP WORKING NOW
You can stop looking
For work now because
There is a specific job that
Was created just for you.The job is permanent
And will last
Forever.
(January 2013)
AUTUMNTHING
Autumn is
Everything.(November 2012)
KING ONE DAY
You will be
King for a day
And only one
Day.(November 2012)
LOST #5
It is better
To have
Lost.(November 2012)
THE MOCKINGBIRD
Mock mock mock mock
Mock mock mock mock
Mock mock mock mock
Mock.(November 2012)
PORPOISE
God has a
Porpoise.(November 2012)
WAY COUNT
Let me count the ways.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
Ten.
Eleven.
Twelve.
Thirteen.
Fourteen.
Fifteen.
Sixteen.
Seventeen.
Eighteen.
Nineteen.
Twenty.
Twenty-one...Goddammit. There are just way too many ways to count.
(November 2012)
KEY
Understanding
Is the key to
Failure.(October 2012)
BLIND ADMISSION
I think that
I shall never
See.(October 2012)
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
There's nothing wrong.
There's nothing wrong.
There's nothing wrong.
There's nothing wrong.(October 2012)
PLASTIC SPOON
Would you take
Eleven cents for the
Plastic spoon?(October 2012)
MANDATORY DONATION
The suggested
Mandatory donation is
Twenty-five dollars.(October 2012)
COLE SLAW
Cole slaw
Makes people
Mean.(October 2012)
WORLD AND YOU
When you're dead
The world dies
With you.(October 2012)
MONEY PIGS
Money pigs die
With cash in their
Intestines.(October 2012)
ZEBRAS
Zebras
Will eat
Us.(October 2012)
SNORT ORDER
Order in the
Snort.(September 2012)
MIGHTY NICE MICE
Mice is
Nice.
Mice is mighty
Nice.(September 2012)
LOST BRAINS
Everybody done
Lost they
Brains.(September 2012)
DOT
When you see
The dot you lose
What you
Got.(September 2012)
A MAP
A map don't
Tell you
Nuffin.(September 2012)
DIRECTIONLESSSSS
We needs
A lot less directionless
And a lot more
Explains.(September 2012)
BROW
Her brow were
Wow and her
Braids was
Grazed.(September 2012)
LOOKIE
Lookie thar
At all the damn
Purdees.(September 2012)
INTENDED
Things should never be
Used for the purpose
For which they were
Intended.(September 2012)
WASH WASH
Gosh.
Don't ya'll never
Wash your
Wash?(September 2012)
TWINKLE DAMMIT
Twinkle, twinkle
Little star,
Dammit, dammit, dammit,
Dammit.(August 2012)
FAKE BREAST
There are no
Real breasts.
They are all
Artificial.
Every breast is a
Fake breast.(August 2012)
ABNORMAL
Normal is
Abnormal.(August 2012)
USED/ARE
Things are
Never like they
Used to be because
Things are always
Like they
Are.(August 2012)
INSIDE YOU
You don't
Ever want anything
Living inside
You.(August 2012)
ECO GROAN
Eco, eco,
Eco groan.
Leave the world
Alone.(August 2012)
BREATH DEATH
Shimmering wafers
Of predictive breath
Willow and wander
Toward ultimate
Death.(August 2012)
WAY
Everything is
Boring
In its own
Way.(August 2012)
TEETH
Dig teeth in
And tear away
At warm moist things
For pleasure.(August 2012)
BUTTER BIRD LUNG
Put butter on a bird
And place it on your tongue.
Inhale the bird and butter
Into your left lung.(August 2012)
DECISIONS
There are no good
Decisions.(June 2012)
INHERITANCE
Crummy people have
Inherited the
Earth.(June 2012)
AIR PEOPLE
Folks who care
Are full of
Air.(June 2012)
TEACHERS
Teachers
Are pathetic
Creatures.(June 2012)
OTHER KIDS
All the
Other kids at school are
Stupid.(June 2012)
LIFELESS
Things that are alive
Aren't really
Alive.(June 2012)
CAN'T CAN'T
Those who can't,
Can't.(June 2012)
BACTERIA
Flesh
Eating
Bacteria
Saves lives.(June 2012)
CRUDDY
All
Beliefs is
Cruddy.(June 2012)
ORGANICALS
Add chemicals
To organic
Things.(June 2012)
DO
You
Don't have to do
Anything.(June 2012)
NO CURE
Don't find a cure for
Anything.(May 2012)
BAD SHOE
If the shoe fits
The shoe doesn't fit.(May 2012)
THE BARKING RACE
Those still barking
About racism in the
Twenty-first century
Might consider finding
A new tired hypocritical subject
To bark about.(May 2012)
HATE AND LOVE
Hate and love
Are one and the same
The more you allow them
Into your
Veins.(May 2012)
COMPREHENSIVE
Everything
Everyone
Does is
Stupid.(May 2012)
PENNYCARE
Show someone you
Care.
Give them a
Penny.(May 2012)
BALL STOP
Stop playing with
Balls.(May 2012)
DOLL STOP
Stop playing with
Dolls.(May 2012)
PLAY STOP
Stop
Playing.(May 2012)
PAST PRESENT
The future
Did not
Exist.(May 2012)
WEASEL CONTRADICTION
The monkey
Did not chase
The weasel and
The weasel
Did not
Pop.(May 2012)
HAMSTER
Love is the
Hamster.(May 2012)
SEATTLE
Whatever happened
To Seattle?
Everyone moved to
Portland.(May 2012)
OWN STOP
Stop owning
Things.(May 2012)
LITTLE RIBBONS
Little ribbons
That show you care
Really prove
That you are
Square.(April 2012)
TUNA FISH SOCK
Today I used
One of my dirty socks
To wipe old tuna fish salad
Out of a plastic
Bowl.(April 2012)
INSPIRATION
Inspiration is
Dull and
Unremarkable.(April 2012)
PLENTY
There's plenty of
Time like the
Present.(April 2012)
CARE
If you care
No one else
Will.(April 2012)
TINY LAP
The lap
Of luxury
Is a tiny little
Lap.(April 2012)
WORDS SUBHUMANS USE
Top.
Bottom.
Daddy.
Bear.
Cub.
Hot.
Playful.
Woof.
420.
Kinky.
Poppers.(April 2012)
NEAR
The
Near
Is
Near.(April 2012)
BISEXUAL
When you meet a bisexual
You should run away
Fast.Run away, run away, run away
Fast.Run away, run away, run away, run away, run away, run away,
Run away
Fast.(April 2012)
KILL U.
What doesn't kill you
Will kill you.(April 2012)
MAGIC WONDER
Praise the Magic Wonder.
Marvel at the Magic Wonder.
Follow the Magic Wonder.
Support the Magic Wonder.
Grow tired of the Magic Wonder.
Then cover the Magic Wonder
With dirt.(March 2012)
SISSY LIKE BOBO
Sissy say he like Sheleika.
Sheleika say she like Fraz.
Fraz say he like Bo-Twink.
Bo-Twink say she like Bobo.
Bobo say he jass
Dono.(March 2012)
AND YOU CAN SMILE
It will rain for months and months
And you can smile.
A small child will get run over by a very large truck
And you can smile.
Earthquakes will cause cities to fall
And you can smile.
Animal species will all become extinct
And you can smile.
And you can smile.
And you can smile.
And you can smile.
And you can smile.
And you can smile a big happy smile.Civilization will completely decay
And you can smile.
The human race will dry up and blow away
And you can smile.
(March 2012)
CARE ABOUT THINGS
Why do people
Care about
Things?People should not
Care about
Things.(March 2012)
KINKY
People who are
Kinky are real
Grotesque and
Stinky.(March 2012)
UNIQUE AND SPECIAL
Do you know
How unique and
Special you are?Not very much.
Not very much
At all.(March 2012)
PROODI KAWMLA FI
Li proodi.
Li fa proodi teel,
Teel fractir bik.Bik fa groi,
Groi kawmla.
Kawmla fi
Proodi.(March 2012)
HIDDEN MESSAGE
You cannot
Read what is not
There.(March 2012)
EXPENSIVE NOTHING
Them what is
Driving of
Expensive car
Is person worthy
Of to receive
Mean and hateful
Behavior.(March 2012)
YOU DON'T EAT
You don't eat
When you
Die.(March 2012)
THE AMERICAN AWAY
The American Way
Is to throw it
Away.(February 2012)
SCHOOL #6
The worst thing
That can happen
To a child is
School.(February 2012)
BIG AND SMALL
When you're small
The world seems big.
When you're big
The world seems small.(February 2012)
COLLECTING
You think
You're collecting
Things that matter but
You're really just collecting
Junk.(February 2012)
UNIQUE AND SPECIAL
There is nothing
About you that is
Unique and
Special.(February 2012)
FIRST
Women
And children
Will be the
First to
Die.(February 2012)
MIRACULOUS
When everything
Is a miracle
Nothing is
A miracle
Anymore.(February 2012)
IMPORTANT LIFE
Life
Is not very
Important.(February 2012)
RACE ISSUE
Funny how people
Say that race
Shouldn't be an issue
When they've made it the
Biggest issue
Of all.(February 2012)
BELIEVABILITY
How can you
Believe in anything
When there's nothing
To believe
In?(February 2012)
LOVELY RARE BIRD
A lovely rare bird
Descended from the sky
Gliding on the cool gentle breeze
But then it died
And rotted.(January 2012)
JIMMY CRACKED CORN AND I DO CARE
Jimmy cracked corn
And although I honestly do not
Want to care there is
A part of me deep inside
That just cannot help
Caring no matter how
Hard I try.So while I would like to say that
I do not care I would be
Lying because in actuality
I really do.(January 2012)
BETSY ROSS
Betsy Ross was a witch.
A horrible old witch.
A horrible old ugly witch with
Boils.(January 2012)
JOHN AND MARTIN
John F. Kennedy and
Martin Luther King
Were engaged in anal sex
For a period of
Six months and
Twenty-two
Days.(January 2012)
RING FINGER
The ring
On your finger
Is meaningless and
Trashy.(January 2012)
HELL IS GREAT
Hell is a
Great place where
Lotsa cool stuff is
Always happening.(January 2012)
RULES OF THE GAME
Whoever wins loses.
Whoever loses
Wins.(January 2012)
JUST REWARD
Those who live
Good lives and
Do all the right things
Will suffer needlessly
And endure neverending
Pain.(January 2012)
JACK AND JILL 2012
Jack and Jill
Couldn't find the hill
Because they left their
GPS at home.(January 2012)
TYPICAL U.S. CITIZEN
The typical U.S. citizen
Used to be a person
Of reasonable intelligence
With money, a home, a job,
Morals, and manners.
Now the typical U.S. citizen
Is a whiny obese junk food eating
Pill popping loser with a
Grubby hand extended
Demanding a
Handout.(January 2012)
FUTURE #2
Our children are
Our future.
Fuck the future.(November 2011)
POD GIG
Pod is a
Gig.
Welcome the pod
Into your
Heart.(November 2011)
SERIOUSLY
Don't take anything
Seriously.(November 2011)
FAT CHILDREN
God loves
Fat children.(November 2011)
LOST HUMOR
We have lost
Our sense of humor
Along with everything
Else.(November 2011)
SAME FACES
All faces
Look the same.
All faces
Look exactly the
Same.(November 2011)
DOWNER
Love makes
The world go
Down.(November 2011)
WANTS
It's lots better
To want things
No one else wants
Than to want things
Everyone else
Wants.(November 2011)
EITHER WAY
When you take drugs
Nothing matters.
When you don't take drugs
Nothing matters.(November 2011)
WARHORRIBLE
In the future
Everyone will be
Horrible for
Fifteen minutes.(October 2011)
FERMENTED CHEESE WHIZ
Religion is
A big wad of fermented cheese whiz.
Our children are
A big wad of fermented cheese whiz.
The environment is
A big wad of fermented cheese whiz.
All charities are
A big wad of fermented cheese whiz.
Endangered species are
A big wad of fermented cheese whiz.
Your most cherished thoughts and emotions are
A big wad of fermented cheese whiz.
(October 2011)
LIVED
It is better
To have not lived
Than never to have
Lived at
All.(October 2011)
BULLYNEAT
Bullying is
Kinda neat.
It teaches kids
To stand on
Their own two
Feet.(October 2011)
OLD LEATHER
Old guys
In leather would
Look better in
Caskets.(October 2011)
REMEMBER #7
Can't remember
Anything.
Don't want to remember
Anything.(October 2011)
WITNESS
If a witness
Witnesses something and
No one is around to
Witness it
Did the witness really
Witness anything?(October 2011)
HOLE IS
Home is where the
Hole is.
Home is where the goddamn
Hole is.(October 2011)
HEAD THINGS
The things in your head
Should stay in your
Head.(September 2011)
LOST WON
Better to have lost
Than to have
Won.(September 2011)
AREN'T
When there are more things you
Aren't than you are
It's time to say
Goodbye.(September 2011)
PROBLEM FREE
No physical problems.
No mental problems.
No financial problems.
No real problems
At all.(September 2011)
DR. PURPOSE
Doctors serve no real
Purpose.(September 2011)
DEAD WISH
Ding Dong
Your wish is
Dead.(September 2011)
TAMPER
Tamper with things
That are supposed to be
Resistant.(September 2011)
ENEMY ENEMIES
The government is the
Enemy.
Teachers are our
Enemies.
Families are our
Enemies.
Children are our
Enemies.
Mankind is the
Enemy.(September 2011)
BEA CUNT
Aunt Bea was a
Cunt.(September 2011)
OPTIMOUT
Optimism
Has a way of
Burning out
Fast.(September 2011)
HANDSOME GUYS
Handsome guys
Are ugly
Inside.(September 2011)
PRETTY GIRLS
Pretty girls
Are dumb like
Squirrels.(September 2011)
INVENTED #2
Nothing
Has ever been
Invented.(September 2011)
THINKER
People don't
Think because
People can't
Think.(September 2011)
MEANINGTHING
When you don't have anything
Anything means
Everything.When you already have everything
Nothing means
Anything.(August 2011)
DIES WINS
He who dies
Wins.(August 2011)
WHITNEY KIDNEY
Donate your kidney
To Whitney.(August 2011)
NOT MANY
There aren't very many
People in the
World.(August 2011)
DOSE OF REALLY
Things are not going
To get any
Better.Really.
They're not.(August 2011)
GLASSLESS
The glass isn't
Half empty or
Half full.
There is no
Glass.(August 2011)
NOTHINK
You can't make people
Think.(August 2011)
PIXIE STIX
A picture
Isn't worth any
Words.(August 2011)
ONE
Although I've always
Been one
I've never ever
Felt like one
And have always
Wished I wasn't
One.(August 2011)
BRIGHT REJECT
You should be
Bright enough to
Reject.(August 2011)
IT'S DEAD
Social networking is
Dead.(August 2011)
A THOUSAND PICTURES
Words are
Worth a thousand
Pictures.(August 2011)
DOING
Anything worth doing
Isn't worth
Doing.(July 2011)
SKIRRITATING
Somewhere
Over the rainbow
Skies are
Irritating.(July 2011)
NOT REAL
I want to be
Real but I never
Will be.(July 2011)
GOOD DEED
No good deed
Goes nowhere.(July 2011)
BUTTONS
Pushing peoples' buttons
Is like playing the piano.
Practice makes
Perfect.(July 2011)
ALWAYS TIME
There's always enough
Time.(July 2011)
BOOK JUDGE
You can
Judge a book
By its
Cover.(July 2011)
EVERYNOTHING
Everything
Means
Nothing.(July 2011)
UNREASONABLE
Be unreasonable.
Everyone else
Is.(July 2011)
DIFFERENT DIFFERENCES
Our differences
Are what make us
Different.(July 2011)
LEFT OVERS
If people wouldn't
Leave things there
Wouldn't be any
Left overs.(July 2011)
ME RIGHT
It's always easy
For me to see
How wrong everyone else is
Because I'm always
Right.(July 2011)
CANDY COATED
Nice and normal on the
Outside.
Harsh, sick, and alienated on the
Inside.(July 2011)
REVOLVE EVOLVE
The world revolves
Around those who fail to
Evolve.(July 2011)
FUTURE NEVER
The future
Never happened.(July 2011)
PROBLEM / SOLUTION
Being part of the
Problem is ten times
More interesting than being
Part of the
Solution.(July 2011)
STRENGTH AND WISDOM
Lord give me the
Strength to sniff and sneek
And give me the wisdom
To know the difference
Between the
Two.(June 2011)
MORALITY FORCE FEED
Force your morals
Down everyone else's
Throats.(June 2011)
ALWAYS GIVE UP
Let the hard times
Bring you down.
Always give up.Let the everyday stresses of life
Ruin your day.
Always give up.When life is so bleak that it seems
Things will never get any better,
Always give up.(June 2011)
FOCUS
Focus on the
Negative.(June 2011)
BEFORE
You can't do anything
That hasn't been done
Before.(June 2011)
DON'T LISTEN TO
Don't listen to your parents.
Don't listen to your teachers.
Don't listen to anyone.(June 2011)
NATURAL HATE
I hate
The clouds in the sky.
I hate
Plants and animals.
I hate
Rivers and streams.
I hate
Everything that is beautiful.(June 2011)
SEE
If you can't see it
It isn't
There.(June 2011)
PLATTER #2
When you don't care
About anything nothing
Really matters.(June 2011)
BLEMISH
God's a
Blemish.(June 2011)
JEALOUS
I'm jealous of people
Whose lives have meaning.
I'm jealous of people
Who believe in things.
I'm jealous of people
Who have real three-dimensional friends.
I'm jealous of people
Who I have no reason to be jealous of.(June 2011)
COULD HAVE BEEN
I could have been something
But I ended up not being anything.
I could have been successful
But I failed at everything I did.
I could have been happy
But I chose to be alienated and miserable
Instead.(June 2011)
ECO-GRANNY
I saw an old
Eco-Granny
At the local
Health food store.
I hated the
Eco-Granny
For everything that
She stood
For.(June 2011)
APATHETIC JOKE
Knock knock.
Who cares?
(May 2011)
ANIMAL LOVER HATER
If you don't
Love animals then
We hate
You.(May 2011)
UNISTUPID
Anything that you say is
Stupid.
Anything that you do is
Stupid and
Anything that you think
Is stupid.(May 2011)
PEOPLE TRASH
Use them and
Throw them
Away.(May 2011)
DISPOSABLE
Men are disposable.
Women are disposable too.
Children are disposable too.
Animals are disposable too.(May 2011)
WASTE CONTRADICTION
I can waste
Everyone else's time but
No one should waste
Mine.(May 2011)
SO-SO NETWORK
So-So Network.
So-So Shitwork.
So-So Phonywork.
So-So Goddamnnetshitphonywork.(May 2011)
ASSHOLE POTATO
Have an asshole
With your
Potato.(May 2011)
JUDGEMENT #2
Anyone who says
They don't judge others
Is a liar.(May 2011)
HOW STUPID CAN PEOPLE BE?
How stupid can people be?
Very stupid.
Very stupid.
Very, very, very stupid.(May 2011)
BIRDHAND BUSH
A bird is a
Hand is a
Bird is a
Bush.(April 2011)
LESSON #7
Any lesson to be
Learned is a
Lesson that's not worth
Learning.(April 2011)
HUMANITARIANS
Humanitarians are
Retards.(April 2011)
GRANOLA INSERTION
Insert a
Granola Bar
Into your
Rectum.(April 2011)
CHANGE #2
You can't change
The world.
You can't change
Anything.(April 2011)
SKIN COLOR
Your skin
Is an ugly
Color.(April 2011)
ACTIVE UP
Activists
Screw the world
Up.(April 2011)
CAN'T DON'T
You can't say
Something good about
Anyone so
Don't.(April 2011)
UGLY OLD BITTIES
Ugly Old Bitties
Were once
Beautiful Young Pussies
But now they're
Ugly Old Bitties.(April 2011)
LIBERTY AND BOSCO FOR ALL
Share some Bosco
With the people
Who made you
A fucker.(April 2011)
DREAMLESS
You can't live out
Your dreams
So let everyone
Tell you
You can't.(April 2011)
WEATHERBAD
Weather is
Bad.(April 2011)
CAUSE
People with a cause
Are people without a
Cause.(March 2011)
GO SEE A DOCTOR
Don't lose weight on your own,
Go see a doctor.Don't heal yourself because you can,
Go see a doctor.Don't eat right and exercise to stay fit,
Go get pills from a doctor.If no one else will listen to you
Whine and complain,
Pull out your checkbook,
And go see a doctor.(March 2011)
PRETEND PLACE
There's a very special place
We all go when we die.
It's high in the sky
Way up above the clouds.
It's beautiful and it's peaceful and
It's all in your mind.(March 2011)
DEMOCRATIC CANCER
Democracy spreads like
Cancer because
Democracy is
Cancer.(March 2011)
FACEBOOK P.F.N.
All hail the
Phony Friend Network.
Let's all compete to see
Who can accumulate the most
Phony Friends.(March 2011)
TEXTING TYPING
Texting is
Typing so don't call
Typing
Texting.(March 2011)
LETDOWN
Everyone will
Always let you
Down.(March 2011)
MORE THAN NOT ENOUGH
The world is
Tiny and huge and
There's more than not
Enough room for
None of us
On it.(March 2011)
WHERE THE YELLOW WENT
You'll wonder where
The yellow went
When you wonder
Where the yellow
Went.(March 2011)
BLESSED MAN
Blessed is the man
Who gets way too high
When he can.(March 2011)
MANTRA
My parents didn't love me.
I was born because they were
Drunk and horny.
I'm just like millions of other
Carbon copy morons
All over the world.Repeat fifty times until it sticks.
(March 2011)
BOY SCOUT
Learn lots of dumb skills
That will never ever in a million years
Be of any use to you
As an adult.(March 2011)
CLEANLINESS
Cleanliness
Isn't next to
Anything.(February 2011)
LEMON CAKE THEORY
For every action
There is an equal but opposite
Nice fresh slice of
Lemon cake.(February 2011)
CHUCK CHUCK
How much chuck
Would a chuck chuck chuck
If a chuck chuck
Could chuck
Chuck?(February 2011)
INSECURE BORDERS
Our borders are insecure.
Our borders will always be
Insecure.(February 2011)
NOTHING INSIDE
There is nothing
Inside you.
There is nothing
Inside you
At all.(February 2011)
SPIRIT CLEANER
When you die
Your spirit
Cleans toilets.(February 2011)
THIRTY-FIVE YEAR POET
After thirty-five years
Writing these damn things
You'd think there would be
Some point
To it all.(February 2011)
EQUALIE
Equality is a
Lie.(February 2011)
DOG PHONE
Paddy whack.
Give the dog
A phone.(February 2011)
CANCER BABIES
All babies are
Cancerous.(February 2011)
PENIS TRUST
A man with
A small penis
Is a man who can't be
Trusted.(February 2011)
FLORIDA BREAST JUICE
A woman
With breast implants
Is like a day without
Sunshine.(February 2011)
"YO, YO-YO."
Greeting to a
Toy.(February 2011)
LOOK DOWN LOOK UP
Look down
At the people
You look
Up to.(February 2011)
CORPORATIONS #3
Corporations are your friends.
They really care about you.
They don't just want your money.
They don't do socially conscious things
In order to manipulate gullible people.
Corporations are your friends.
They really do care about you.(January 2011)
DADDIES
Leather daddies.
Muscle daddies.
They're not really daddies
At all.(January 2011)
BLAME #2
Your parents
Are to blame
For everything.(January 2011)
BEAR TRUTH #7
Women bear children
Because they feel lost and
Alone.(January 2011)
GREEN RIVER
If you say the word 'green'
One more time you will be
Stuffed in a bag and
Thrown in the
River.(January 2011)
CHARITY CHARITY
Charity is
Fake generosity.(January 2011)
DECEMBER FOOLS DAY
December Fools Day
Has come and gone once again.
It will repeat itself next year of course...
Because there will always be
Fools in the
World.(January 2011)
LIFESTYLES
All lifestyles are
Bad.(January 2011)
UCKY
People are ucky.
You should hate them.(January 2011)
QUITTING TIME
Quitting school
Is the best thing
You can do.(January 2011)
UNIVERSITY
The universe
Would be better
If we weren't
In it.(January 2011)
Q
Get rid of
The letter
Q.
(January 2011)
ZIPPERS
Zippers cause shivers
And paranoid
Quivers.(January 2011)
WHAT IT STANDS FOR
(according to Atlanta residents in the 1980s)(L) ick
(M) y
(N) asty
(O) ld
(P) ussy.(January 2011)
LAP UP FAT
Lap up fat.
Lap it up.
Lap up some goddamn
Fat.(December 2010)
FABRIDERM YOUR BOOSIE
Allocate your shakers.
Initiate your rate of stake.
Emulate your roller skate and
Fabriderm your boosie.(December 2010)
INNER PEACE
Inner peace.
The ultimate
Lie.(December 2010)
PREJUDICE
Prejudice is a
Wonderful thing.
It is natural and
Normal.(December 2010)
HON
Hey hon.
Love you, hon.
Marry me, hon.
Getting tired of you now, hon.
Met someone smarter and more attractive than you, hon.
So long, hon.(December 2010)
WURFLISS BALLS
Your balls used to
Mean so much.
Now they don't mean
Anything.(December 2010)
FEEDING LIES
Your parents are feeding you
The same dumb lies
That they were fed
When they were
Young.(December 2010)
HAPPY HOLIDAY DINNER
Have a happy holiday dinner.
Chew and thrust muscles
From a dismembered dead bird
Down your throat.(December 2010)
ARTIFICIAL INTERCONNECTEDNESS
Let's all marvel at our
Artificial interconnectedness.
Let's type to one another all the time.
Let's share cute snippets of information.
Let's keep each other aware of lots of things
That don't really matter.
Let's all marvel at our
Artificial interconnectedness
While the realities of our daily lives
Slowly drip away and
Dissolve.(December 2010)
IN SEARCH OF PRETTY
Looking under rocks and stones.
Where is Pretty?
Digging holes that never ever end.
Where is Pretty?
Flying across continents and
Running in the rain.
Where oh where is Pretty?
Driving real fast and
Never losing hope.
Where oh where is
Pretty?(December 2010)
SCRAPING OFF REMAINS
Fly a kite in the park.
Then scrape the remains off your shoes.
Take the kids out for a hike.
Then scrape off the remains.
For every happy event
There are always unpleasant things attached.
The majority of our lives will forever be spent
Scraping off remains.(December 2010)
LESS HOPE MORE HATE
We need less hope in the world
And a lot more
Hate.(December 2010)
DON'T
Problem:
Don't ask.
Don't tell.Solution:
Don't join.
Don't join.(November 2010)
TINY INSIGNIFICANT NOTHINGS
We are all just
Tiny insignificant nothings.
The birds in the sky are just
Tiny insignificant nothings.
Our computers and electronic devices are just
Tiny insignificant nothings.
Our laws and our governments are just
Tiny insignificant nothings.
Our thoughts and our feelings are just
Tiny insignificant nothings.(November 2010)
REPEAT AFTER ME
There are plenty of places like home...
There are plenty of places like home...
There are plenty of places like home...
There are plenty of places like home...
There are plenty of places like home...
There are plenty of places like home...(November 2010)
YOU WON'T
You won't live.
You won't die.
You won't
Anything.(November 2010)
GRANNY
Dump your granny
In the ditch.
Damn your granny,
Dumb old witch.(November 2010)
SHITTY CITY
Every city is a
Shitty city.(November 2010)
TEN TIMES STUPIDER
Our children's children
Will be ten times stupider
Than we are.(November 2010)
THE PLEDGE OF SHIT
I pledge shit to the shit
Of the united shit.
And to the shit for which it shits,
One shit, under shit, indivisible...
With liberty and justice
For shit.(November 2010)
YOUR REAL
Your friends aren't your real friends.
Your job isn't your real job.
Your family isn't your real family.
Your interests aren't your real interests.
Your home isn't your real home.
Your thoughts aren't your real thoughts.(October 2010)
GOD AWFUL
God is
Awful.(October 2010)
FUTURE CHILDREN
If our children
Are our future
Then we have
No future.(October 2010)
ANYTHING WORTH DOING
Anything worth doing
Isn't worth
Doing.(October 2010)
MORALYSIS
Morals are for
Sissies.(October 2010)
NEED PEOPLE
People who need
People are
Shitty.(October 2010)
SNORT
Snort two things.
Snort ten things.
Snort one hundred things.
Snort one million things.(October 2010)
BASTARD REACTOR
Sit on your front porch and
React like a
Bastard.(October 2010)
FAT UGLY CUNTS
Fat ugly cunts
Blaming their fuck ups
On everyone else.(October 2010)
NATURE IS A SHITTY THING
Nature is a shitty thing.
A shitty, shitty, shitty thing.
Nature is a shitty thing.
And it always will be.(September 2010)
ALL OVER THE WORLD
Ugly stupid people
All over the world.
Eating one anothers' shit
All over the world.(September 2010)
SCREW THE ECO GREENIES
Combat the eco freaks.
Grab extra plastic bags for no reason.
Throw perfectly good clothing in the garbage.
Use more energy than you need.
Support companies that pollute.
Never re-use anything.(September 2010)
NO GOOD ANYONE
There is no good
In anyone.(September 2010)
BOLOGNA TREAT
Wipe your ass
With a slice of bologna.
Then eat the bologna.(September 2010)
HILLBILLY FREAKS
Hillbilly fuckers are
Simultaneously irritating and
Hilarious.(September 2010)
NO HELP
If you come across someone
Who desperately needs your help
Don't help them.(September 2010)
HEAVENLY POTHEADS
The angels in the
Sky
Just want to get
High.(September 2010)
PASS IT ON
Pass your bad habits onto your children.
Pass your lack of ambition onto your children.
Pass your countless addictions onto your children.
Pass your desire to destroy your own children
Onto your children.(September 2010)
PRETTY HAIR
She has really pretty
Hair.
Too bad she's a
Cunt.(September 2010)
ALL THE PRETTY FAMOUS PEOPLE
All the pretty famous people
Telling us what to do.
All the pretty famous people
Showing us how we should look.
All the pretty famous people
Teaching us how we should think.
All the pretty famous people
Laughing at us behind our backs
While they rake in the
Cash.(September 2010)
NOSY MARY
Mary had a little nose
She filled it up with speed.
And everywhere that Mary went
Her nose would start to bleed.(September 2010)
NETWORKING DELUSION
Isn't it cool
How we all feel
So interconnected
While in actuality
We're just becoming
More and more
Isolated.(September 2010)
EARTHLY IDEA
Destroy the earth.
It's no good
Anyway.(September 2010)
HELPING HURTS
Helping other people
Hurts other people.(September 2010)
SPAY THE NEUTER
Spay the neuter
Out of your
Pet.
Spay the neuter
Out of your goddamn
Pet.(August 2010)
LIKE CEREAL
Like cereal.
Very much like cereal yes.
Cereal very good.
Cereal what is
Liking to
Eat.(August 2010)
SELL YOUR BABY #3
Sell your baby and
Use the money
To buy
Drugs.(August 2010)
PUMP YELLER
Yell when you pump iron.
It makes you seem much
Stronger than you really
Are.(August 2010)
WORSE FOR THE WEATHER
Hot weather is bad.
Cold weather is bad.
Just right weather is even
Worse.(August 2010)
AIR VIEW BACK
Smack when you eat.
Eat when you smack.
Crack when you bleat.
Neat air view back.(August 2010)
TOCKER
Take a taxi.
Tote a tootsie.
Tear a tabby.
Teach a tocker.(August 2010)
STUPIDVERSITY
Learn to appreciate the
Stupid in others.
Our stupid is what makes us
Unique.(August 2010)
GREEN SHEEP
Silly stupid green sheep...
Bleating and farting all over one another
So that they can waste their money
On the latest greatest environmentally friendly
Hoax.(August 2010)
VOTED
Never voted ever
And never ever
Will.(August 2010)
MEDICATED WIPES
Wipe your pussy with
Special medicated pads
So that it won't
Stink.(August 2010)
TURTLE EGG MOVERS
Dumb retards
Moving turtle eggs around
So that they will have a better chance
Of survival.(August 2010)
WINDOW WATCHER
Get up.
Look out window and
Think about how stupid world is.
Go to bed.
Get up next morning and
Repeat.(August 2010)
LET THINGS GO
Let things go.
Who cares if they have
Sentimental or monetary value?
Sheesh, they're just things.
Let them go.(August 2010)
NOPOEM
This no
Poem.(August 2010)
DISINTEGRATING STRING QUESTION
I don't want to put my dog's life in the hands of a stranger
(i.e., a veterinarian who is just after my hard-earned money)
So I searched on the internet and found a web site
That pretty much shows you how to perform a spay operation.
I already have some sedatives that should
Keep the dog knocked out for at least a couple of hours.
The only thing I need to get hold of is some of that string--
The kind that disintegrates inside the animal after the cut parts heal.
Does anybody know how to get hold of this stuff?(July 2010)
DISINTEGRATING STRING RESPONSE
First of all, very few veterinarians are in it for the money.
Second, you found a website that "pretty much shows" the steps involved in a spay?!
Are you insane?!!!!
You do not cut open your own animal!
You don't have a sterile environment, so how are you going to keep them
From getting an infection?
How are you going to know if they have an infection,
And what would you do about it?
Find some herbs and treat them yourself?
Not to mention, you are NOT trained for this procedure!
What are you going to do?
Hope that you pull out the right thing?
Third, disintegrating string? Seriously?
If you do not know what it is called, should you really be performing a surgery?
Fourth, how do you know that you won't overdose your animal on sedatives?
Again, you are not trained in this procedure.
What do you do if the heart stops?
Would you even notice?!
You better hope I never find out who you are
Or the humane society will be on your ass so fast
Your head will spin.
Maybe you need to suck it up and take them to the vet
Instead of doing it on your kitchen table!!!
(July 2010)
COEXIST
Living together peacefully,
Side-by-side.
Living a lie like idiots,
Side-by-side.(July 2010)
I LOVE YOU THERE
I love you
When you aren't
There.(July 2010)
PRETTY DAMN SPOT
Let's find a
Pretty damn spot.
Let's stay in the
Pretty damn spot.
Let's enjoy the
Pretty damn spot
Forever.(July 2010)
LIQUIDITY
Determine your liquidity.
See how long it takes
For you to turn into a
Liquid.(July 2010)
MESSAGE TO THE WORLD
Screw all the
Stupid shitty people
All over the goddamn
World.(July 2010)
EVERYTHING #7
Everything that
Everyone does
Is stupid.(July 2010)
POLITICS 101
Don't elect anyone
Who tells the truth
And then complain
Like retards when
Elected officials
Lie.(July 2010)
RETARD #3
In order to retard others
You must first learn
To retard yourself.(July 2010)
GOD FUSSY
In God
We can't trust.
Over God
We fuss.(July 2010)
ABSTINANCE
Abstinance is not an
Option.(July 2010)
NAPKIN HOLDER
Beauty is in the
Side of the
Napkin holder.(July 2010)
PRAYAIR
Pray to the
Air.(July 2010)
OUR CHILDREN WILL PAY
Our children will pay
For our financial blunders.
Oh well.
Ain't got no goddamn children anyway
So damn it.(July 2010)
OFF MY MIND
At first I never noticed you.
Now I can't get you
Off my mind.(July 2010)
COURTS
Courts are stupid places
Where stupid people
Try to sort out their
Stupid problems.(July 2010)
LAUGH LEADERS
Laugh at our leaders.
Our stupid, stupid leaders.
Laugh at our stupid, stupid
Leaders.(June 2010)
THINGS MEAN
Little things
Don't mean
Anything.(June 2010)
WORLDLY
World of hate.
World of lies.
World of retards.
World of idiots.(June 2010)
BIRD SAMMICH
Put a bird
On a bun
And eat it.(June 2010)
HUMPTY'S BORING WALL
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
That's all he ever did.
He just sat on a goddamn
Wall.(June 2010)
DIVERSE DISCUSSION
Let's discuss how great
Diversity is while its
Devastating effects cause our
Country to crumble and
Decay.(June 2010)
FATHERISH
All children will
Grow up to be
Just as disillusioned and lost
As their fathers.(June 2010)
SMALL ELECTRONIC DEVICE
Small electronic device
Help you stay in touch with
Nothing.(June 2010)
ADMISSION OF NEGATIVITY
The negative barrage
Will keep them away.
Don't want fame.
Don't want it,
No way.(June 2010)
NO LIKE
No like business.
No like government.
No like organization.
No like anything.(June 2010)
LIFE AND NATURE
Life and nature,
Shitty like you.
Life and nature...
Shitty like you.(June 2010)
OILY GROOVY
See the birds.
See the beautiful birds.
See the beautiful birds covered with oil.
The birds are more beautiful when they are covered with oil.See the shoreline.
See the beautiful shoreline.
See the beautiful shoreline covered with oil.
The shoreline is more beautiful when it is covered with oil.See the fish.
See the beautiful fish.
See the beautiful fish swimming in oil.
The fish are more beautiful when they are swimming in oil.(June 2010)
NAMES AND MATTER
Names of things don't matter.
Names of places don't matter.
Names of people don't matter.
They just don't matter.(May 2010)
BLIND IS THE SAME AS RETARDED
Blind is the same as
Retarded.
It is the exact same
Thing.(May 2010)
IF WE ALL WORK TOGETHER
If we all work together really, really hard
We can make our dreams come true.
If we all work together really, really hard
We can change the world.
If we all work together really, really hard
We can be certain that we are wasting our
Time.(May 2010)
NO BRIGHT SIDE
How can anyone look at
The bright side when there
Is no bright
Side?(May 2010)
FUCKOLUTIONISM
Was it creationism?
Or evolution?(May 2010)
CELEBRITY CONCERN
When celebrities travel
To other countries
To help unfortunate victims
Of natural disasters
While the cameras are rolling
You know there is something
Wrong.(May 2010)
FINGER BONES
Slice your hands open
And remove the
Bones.(May 2010)
UNINTENDED ACCELERATION
We didn't mean for things
To get so shitty
So fast.(May 2010)
CONGREGATION LESSON
Stay away from
Wherever people
Congregate.(May 2010)
MIND AID
Put a band aid
On your
Mind.(May 2010)
OLD HIPPY FARTS
Now that
Old hippy farts
Are in control
Everything is more fucked up
Than ever before.(May 2010)
CONSERVATIVES AND LIBERALS
Conservatives are shitty and
Liberals are shitty too.(May 2010)
BEAT SHIT
Beat the shit
Out of something.(May 2010)
ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTERS
Devastating environmental disasters
Are threatening to destroy
Our planet.
La la la la la la la la...
Big deal.(May 2010)
STRANGE ENEMIES
Strangers are
Just enemies we
Haven't met
Yet.(April 2010)
WHY YOUR PARENTS GO TO CHURCH
Your parents go to church
Because they are simple and
Dull.(April 2010)
QUEST
The quest for knowledge
Is a stupid
Quest.(April 2010)
HUFFING
Huffing makes you cool.
Huffing makes you smart.
Huffing makes you stronger.
Huffing makes you better.(April 2010)
DELUSIONAL
Things will get better.
You can make a difference.
People are inherently good.
There really is a God.(April 2010)
DUCK AND COVER #2
Duck and cover.
Health care reform.
Duck and cover.
Global warming.
Duck and cover.
Environmentally friendly.
Duck and cover.(April 2010)
WHERE IT COMES FROM
The water you drink comes from
Sewage treatment plants.
The beef that you eat
Comes from genetically modified cornfed cows.
The clothes you wear
Were made by malnourished children.
Your cool electronic gadgets
Were built by robots
Who don't give a damn about you.(April 2010)
ECO GREEN #3
Eco. Green.
Retarded. Stupid.
Eco. Green.
Sheep. Uneducated.
Eco. Green.
Don't think.
Follow the leaders.(April 2010)
SHOULD NOT MIX
People of different classes
Should not mix.
People of different religions
Should not mix.
People of different genders
Should not mix.
People should not mix.
People should not mix.
People should not mix.(April 2010)
FLIMSY
All thing
Flimsy.
All thing always
Flimsy.(April 2010)
CLOTHES LINE
Clothes manufactured
By people who are abused,
Mistreated, and underpaid
Just look and feel
Better.(April 2010)
WEDDING #5
A wedding is a social event
Where two people shit
While their friends and relatives
Watch them shit and
Give them presents.(April 2010)
ANYTHING BUT A MOUSE
Mickey Hamster.
Mickey Chicken.
Mickey Giraffe.
Mickey Monkey.
Mickey Donkey.(March 2010)
RETARDED #2
Retarded has always been
A great word but now it's
An even better
Word.(March 2010)
OBESITY
You is what you is.
(March 2010)
TTT
Toto too.
Tootoo toe.
Toe too toe.
Toe tootoo.(March 2010)
PARENTAL ADVICE #3
Your parents don't know
Anything.
They are a total and complete
Blank.(March 2010)
NEKKID
Nekkid people everywhere
And not a drop to
Drink.(March 2010)
SELF-IMAGE #4
Look in a mirror.
Stare at your face.
Notice your shitty hair and
Consider how ugly you are.(March 2010)
THE TINY APOLOGY DILEMMA
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.I'm not really sorry.
(March 2010)
HIGH AND DIE
Get high and
Watch things
Die.(March 2010)
OLYMPICS #7
Olympics.
Shitty goddamn
Olympics.
Shitty goddamn retarded
Olympics.(March 2010)
PROUD FAT ASS
Be proud of your fat.
Be proud of your ass.
Be proud of your
Big fat
Ass.(March 2010)
FUBLE
Nana fuble,
Fuble da lo.
Inker dis mino.
La fuble de
Klo.(March 2010)
TWO HOUSES
Two houses are
Better than
One.(March 2010)
HARK STINK
Hark the Herald Angels
Stink.(March 2010)
BAD PARTIES
Democrats are bad.
Republicans are bad.
Independents are bad.
They're all
Bad.(February 2010)
WRONG #6
Something is wrong.
Something always has been wrong and
Something always will be
Wrong.(February 2010)
NATURE #22
Plants are ugly.
Trees are ugly.
Mountains are ugly.
Oceans are ugly.
The sky is ugly.(February 2010)
BETTER PEOPLE
People would be
Better off.(February 2010)
GET A BREAK
Families and couples always get a break.
Everyone who doesn't deserve it is
Always getting a goddamn break.
Single people have it harder than anyone
And yet they never ever
Get a break.(February 2010)
YOU CAN DRUG
You can drug your spouse.
You can drug your children.
You can drug your friends.
You can drug your workmates and
You can drug yourself.(February 2010)
GETTING WORSE
Things are getting worse.
Things will continue
To get much much
Worse.(February 2010)
WEEKENDS AND WEEKDAYS
Weekends are shitty.
Weekdays are only slightly
Better.(February 2010)
NO GOOD PRESIDENT
There has never been a good president
And there will never be a good president.(February 2010)
POLLUTE
Pollute it up, Hell...
You might as
Well.(February 2010)
HAPPY HELPERS
People helping other people.
Disgusting.(February 2010)
SCIENCE #3
Science is a waste of time.
(February 2010)
HAHA
Our country is going to Hell.
Haha.(February 2010)
UNSTOPPABLE
We hate
And there's nothing you can do
To make us stop
Feeling this
Way.(February 2010)
GOD'S ANGELS
God's Angels want
To kill us.
They want to see us
Dead.(February 2010)
ONE WORLD NOT ONE
The more the world becomes One
The less I want to be
One.(February 2010)
BEAR PHILOSOPHY
Fat and ugly is
Beautiful.(January 2010)
TERRIBLE RHYTHM
All rhythm is
Terrible rhythm.(January 2010)
CIGARETTE
Cigarette no causing
Cancer.
Cigarette is okay for
Healthy.(January 2010)
SHEEP SLEEP
Now I lay me
Down to sleep
Just like other
Goddamn sheep.(January 2010)
SEARCH
Search and search
And search and search
And search and search
Then die.(January 2010)
CHERISH IS THE WORD
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could rape you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could kill you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could cut you up.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could eat you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could shit on you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could bury you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could burn you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could dismember you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could freeze you.(January 2010)
JACK AND JILL #32
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
Became disillusioned and
Never came down.(January 2010)
JACK AND JILL #74
Jack and Jill
Took little pills
That filled them both with
Laughter.
Jack came down
Which made him frown
And Jill came down
Right after.(January 2010)
IRRELEVANT DREAMS
Your dreams are irrelevant.
Your parents' dreams are irrelevant.
Your grandparents' dreams are irrelevant.
Your great grandparents' dreams are irrelevant.(January 2010)
PONTIAC
She drove a Pontiac.
She was bound and gagged in a Pontiac.
She was fatally stabbed in a Pontiac.
She was buried in a Pontiac.(January 2010)
REMASTER
How many times
Can something be remastered?
Over and over and
Over again.
Over and over and
Over again.
Over and over and over and
Over and over and over and
Over again.(December 2009)
RELIGIOSITY
Muslims are shitty.
Christians are shitty.
Baptists are shitty.
Atheists are shitty.
Catholics are shitty.
Lutherans are shitty.
Agnostics are shitty.
Buddhists are shitty.(December 2009)
HUMAN SPIRIT
The power of the human spirit.
The power of the human spirit.
The power of the human spirit.Goddamn the human spirit.
(December 2009)
VINYL UPS AND DOWNS
Everyone used to love vinyl.
Then everyone hated vinyl.
Now everyone loves vinyl again.
But in the very near future
Everyone will hate vinyl
Again.(December 2009)
OPRAH'S LUNCH
Oprah reaches around
To her big fat behind and
Scoops out a handful of
Fresh warm feces.
She stuffs the feces into her
Hungry fat jowels.
Then she belches and
Farts.(December 2009)
STRAIGHT TALK
Don't save the planet.
To hell with the environment.
Let children get sick and die.
Pray for more pain and suffering.(December 2009)
BIRD FEEDER
When we die
Birds eat
Us.(December 2009)
GOD'S SMILE
God likes to
See us fail because
It makes him
Smile.(December 2009)
YOUR STUPID
Your stupid home.
Your stupid job.
Your stupid hobbies.
Your stupid friends.
Your stupid automobile.
Your stupid haircut.
Your stupid money.(December 2009)
BEAT MEDICAL
Beat a dead horse then
Beat a dead fish then
Beat a dead mammal then
Beat a dead medical.(December 2009)
DECLARATION OF VALUE
The Declaration of Independence
Isn't worth anything because
It doesn't mean
Anything.(December 2009)
LINCOLN #10
Abraham Lincoln was a
Wurfliss ol'
Bitch.(December 2009)
CONTRADICTION #27
It's wrong
To hate people because of
The color of their
Skin but it's okay
To hate them if they
Have a different
Point of
View.(November 2009)
DAMMIT PUSSY
The dammit pussy
Lives in a perpetual circuit
And evolves.(November 2009)
THE SOURCE OF SHITTY
The world is shitty because
People are
Shitty.(November 2009)
HEALTH DON'T CARE
Health don't care.
Health never did
Care.(November 2009)
GIGGLER
A people don't bleed
When you cut it.
It giggles.(November 2009)
EXPIRE
Foods expire.
Drugs expire.
Fires expire.
Amplifiers expire.(November 2009)
DON'T READ
Don't read.
Stupid people
Read.(November 2009)
BE THERE
Be there in a second.
Be there in a minute.
Be there in an hour.
Be there in a month.
Be there in a year.
Be there in a decade.
Be there next century.(November 2009)
YOU'RE NOTHING
When you're three you're nothing.
When you're ten you're nothing.
When you're sixteen you're nothing.
When you're twenty-five you're nothing.
When you're forty you're nothing.
When you're eighty you're nothing.
When you're one hundred you're nothing.(November 2009)
I KNOW
I know there is no place called Heaven.
I know we don't go anywhere when we die.
I know that Jesus doesn't love me because
I know he never existed.
I know there is no God.(November 2009)
CHOOSEY MOTHERS CHOOSE #327
Choosey mothers choose
Human trafficking.(November 2009)
NURSE
Nurse whatever you can
Get your mouth
Around.(November 2009)
WORTH
Life isn't
Worth
It.(November 2009)
CONTRADICTION #12
It's cute to get smashed but
It's irresponsible
To trip.(November 2009)
UNITED
Divided we fail.
United we fail.(November 2009)
HATE CRIMES
Hate crimes
Are an acceptable form of
Self-expression.(November 2009)
ACTORS AND ACTRESSES #3
Actors and actresses
Are boring people.
Boring, boring, boring
People.(November 2009)
DON'T MATTER
Your arms don't matter.
Your legs don't matter.
Your teeth don't matter.
Your head don't matter.(October 2009)
FLUFFY DUMP
Love your
Fluffy
Dump.(October 2009)
BOTTLE
Spin the bottle.
Break the bottle.
Date the bottle.
Irritate the bottle.(October 2009)
HAPPY TIME
Now is a very happy time
And everything is good.
Every day is a happy day
When things go as they
Should.
(October 2009)
COOL TALL GRASS
Grass is tall,
Grass so cool.(October 2009)
ALCOHOL #43
Alcohol.
The shittiest drug
Of all.(October 2009)
FAMILY BURN
If your house catches fire
Stay inside with
Your family
And burn.(October 2009)
ZOOS
Zoos aren't anywhere
That they are.
Zoos ain't anything
That they is.(October 2009)
YOU GO
You go nowhere
When you are
Alive.You go nowhere
When you
Die.(October 2009)
BRAG
People who brag
Brag about nothing
Worth bragging
About.(October 2009)
LIKE BEAT LIKE
You can beat your pets.
You can beat your spouse.
You can beat your children.
You can beat anything you
Like.(October 2009)
MATHMATTER
Math don't
Matter.(October 2009)
END RESULT
When people pray
Bad things
Happen.(September 2009)
TRASH
Throw trash
Everywhere.(September 2009)
BLOODLESS
Stop donating
Blood.(September 2009)
LINES
There are no boundaries to
Anything.(September 2009)
INFANTICIDE
Mothers kill their babies
Because they
Can.(September 2009)
SWINE FLU
People get Swine Flu
Because they're
Pigs.(September 2009)
LIMP
The world is
Limp.(September 2009)
UNIVERSHITTY
Everyone wastes
Their time in
College.(September 2009)
HOT END
If you heat your butt
You will die.(September 2009)
THE SOUND OF DEATH
Music died a
Long time
Ago.(September 2009)
SICK CHUCKLE
Laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh
Then throw up all over
Yourself.(September 2009)
HURT
Hurt the one you're
With.(September 2009)
FAR FROM FRESH FOOD
Food is never fresh and
Neither are the people
Who sell it.(September 2009)
UGLY COLORED PEOPLE
The white person is ugly.
The black person is ugly.
The brown person is ugly.
The yellow person is ugly.All people are ugly
Regardless of their
Color.(September 2009)
AN EXAMINED LIFE
A life worth living
Is a life that isn't
Worth examining.(August 2009)
STRONG BONES
PCP builds strong
Bones.(August 2009)
BEAR THEN AND NOW
A bear used to be
A sexy hairy chunky guy.
Now a bear is
Any generic obnoxious overweight old sissy
With a beard.(August 2009)
OFFERING
Give your child's soul
To the Devil.(August 2009)
SAWGY DAWGY
Beat your leaf.
Beat your grief.
Beat your greeter.
Beat your heater.
Beat your sawgy
Little dawgy.(August 2009)
DREAMTIME
Dreams are a waste
Of time and
Energy.(August 2009)
MY CHILDREN
My children.
My children.
My stupid goddamn
Children.(August 2009)
DAY
Make your day by
Ruining someone else's
Day.(August 2009)
KICK
When the baby kicks
Kick it back
Hard.(August 2009)
SIT
Sit down for what
You believe in.(August 2009)
FUNNIES
When things go wrong it's
Funny.
When things get sick it's
Funny.
When things die a slow and intensely painful death
It's very, very
Funny.(July 2009)
LANES
Change lanes.
Pump really good stuff
Into your
Veins.(July 2009)
ABANDON
God rewards those who
Abandon their
Children.(July 2009)
FIST
A man who enjoys
Having a fist rammed up his rump
Is a man who deserves to be
Dumped.(July 2009)
BLANCHE'S CHAIR
But cha are,
Blanche...
Ya are in that chair.(July 2009)
MOTHERS CHOOSE MOTHERS
Choosy mothers choose
Choosy mothers.(July 2009)
KITCHEN
If you can't stand the kitchen
Get out of the
Kitchen.(July 2009)
N GOD
N God we trust.
Over God we fuss.
N God we confuse.
Over God we re-use.
N God we relate.
Over God we agitate.(July 2009)
STOP
Stop going to work.
Stop driving your car.
Stop answering your phone.
Stop communicating with your friends.
Stop drinking.
Stop eating.
Stop living.
Stop.
(July 2009)
EVIL LIVERS
Deliver our
Livers from
Evil.(July 2009)
THE LIEST NUMBER
Two is the oneliest number.
Five is the tenliest number.
Three is the sevenliest number.
Twelve is the thirtyliest number.
Nine is the two hundredliest number.
Three thousand nine hundred seventy one is the
Fourteenliest number.(July 2009)
SPANKS
Jesus spanks
Those who spank
Themselves.(July 2009)
DEFORMITY
Deformity
Is in the eye of the
Beholder.(July 2009)
WHITE GIRLS SMELL
White girls smell
Bitter.(July 2009)
TOYS
He who dies
With the most toys
Dies with the most
Toys.(July 2009)
CONCEPT
Hate is a concept
By which we measure our
Love.(July 2009)
FACE IT
If you don't discriminate
Then you must be
Retarded.(July 2009)
BELONGINGS
Your belongings will
End up being a
Tedious reminder
Of what a boring life
You led.(July 2009)
DISEASES
Diseases please those
Who please
Themselves.(July 2009)
MIDNIGHT TONIGHT
The world will stop at
Midnight tonight.(July 2009)
MAMA CASS INVENTION
Mama Cass invented the
Ham sandwich.(July 2009)
RICHARD GERE INVENTION
Richard Gere came up with
The idea of gerbil
Insertion.(July 2009)
MICHAEL JACKSON INVENTION
Michael Jackson came up with
The idea of letting your nose die
First.(July 2009)
NIP IT
Nip it in the bud.
Nip it in the blood.
Nip it in the sink.
Nip it in the pink.
Nip it in the couch.
Nip it in the pouch.
Nip it in the dud.
Nip it in the crud.
(July 2009)
A LEETLE PRAIR
Orr Blothrr
Hartinn hebbin
Allo beethie naam
Enleeduss nottin tootimp tayshuh
Budduliveruss frumeevll
Forthie issuh kingduh annuh
Powuh annuh blurry
Furrier ann furrier
Oven.(July 2009)
DISGUSTING HABITS
Smoking is a disgusting habit.
Poking is a disgusting habit.
Croaking is a disgusting habit.
Choking is a disgusting habit.
Bloating is a disgusting habit.
Roaming is a disgusting habit.
Foaming is a disgusting habit.
Lo Mein is a disgusting habit.(July 2009)
MAN GIRL
Shit like a
Girl.
Fart like a
Man.(July 2009)
JUMP UP AND DOWN
Jump up and down
And have some fun.
Jump up and down
Today.
Jump up and down
And have some fun
Like the shithead
Of a retard that you
Are.(June 2009)
COOKS
Too many cooks
Cook too
Much.(June 2009)
PANTS
Pull up your pants
And snuff real
Hard.(June 2009)
NUDITY
Nudity sucks.
(June 2009)
EVERYONE IS EATING TODAY
Everyone is eating today
Just like they did
Hundreds of
Years
Ago.(June 2009)
SISSY THINGS
Grab hold of all your sissy things
And cram them
Somewhere.(June 2009)
LOVE IS
Love is hate.
Hate is love.(June 2009)
THE HANDOUT SOCIETY
So...your business is about to fail
Because you made poor business decisions?
Here, have some money so that you can
Stay in business.So...your home is going to be foreclosed
Because you purchased a more expensive home than you could afford?
Here, let us help you lower your payments so that you can
Stay in your home.So...you have no money now
Because you spent it all rather than save for a rainy day?
Here, have some money so that you won't have to work at all
For the next few months.So you made wise business decisions,
Bought a home you could afford,
And saved your money?Sorry...you get NOTHING.
(May 2009)
DEMOCRACYDemocracy used to be a
Good thing.
Now democracy is a
Bad thing.
A very, very bad
Thing.(May 2009)
SWINE FLU
Go swine flu go.
Knock 'em down and
Take 'em away.
They weren't worth a goddamn
Anyway.(May 2009)
WIFE BEATER
A man who beats
His wife
Is a man who has
A good life.(May 2009)
SMARTS
Drugs make you
Smarter.(May 2009)
GOOD FOOD
Blow on your food.
Then eat your
Food.(May 2009)
NO NO YES
Are people inherently good?
No no no.
Is conservation important?
No no no.
Should you trust anyone?
No no no.
Is it better to destroy than create?
Yes yes yes.
(May 2009)
BIG BLUE BONNET
Goddamn the world
And all the people on it.
Everybody sucks like a
Big blue bonnet.(April 2009)
HAVE A NICE DAY
Have a nice day
Ugly smelly retards.
Have a nice day
Generic mindless sheep.
Have a nice day
Stinking shitty children.
Have a nice day
Everyone.(April 2009)
LAME
Governments are lame.
Lame is the name
Of the game.Technology is lame.
Lame is the name
Of the game.The sky is lame.
Lame is the name
Of the game.Animals are lame.
Lame is the name
Of the game.Meemaw is lame.
Lame is the name
Of the game.
(April 2009)
PUMP A DEAD THING
When you're sad and all alone,
Pump a dead thing.When the world starts to get you down,
Pump a dead thing.You can pump a dead thing
Every day of your life.
You can pump it forever
Because it feels nice.(April 2009)
STUPID MORE STUPID
Stupid people are
More stupid and
More stupid are
Stupid people.(April 2009)
Wii Wii
We couldn't afford
To buy our son a Wii
So we gave him a
Wii Wii instead.(April 2009)
LET YOUR BALLS HANG OUT
Let your balls hang out,
And flap in the breeze.
Balls need space too
In varying degrees.(March 2009)
PREGNANT AND SELFISH
The pregnant woman
Is a selfish
Woman.(March 2009)
CLOSE
People close their eyes and
People close their ears.
They're freaked out by
Truth because it
Preys upon
Their fears.(March 2009)
DISH
Slop food
On a dish
And eat off the goddamn
Thing.(March 2009)
YOU DON'T REALLY MATTER
You think that you are unique.
You feel that you are imporant.
The quicker you face the truth
The quicker you will feel better.
You don't really matter.(March 2009)
SPLATTERED
Your wall done got splattered.
Your clothes done got splattered.
Your pet done got splattered.
Your head done got splattered.(March 2009)
BABIES RABIES
People who have babies
Might as well have
Rabies.(February 2009)
FOLK ART
Folk art means
Bad art.(February 2009)
CUT UP KIDS
Cut up with your kids.
Cut up, kids.(February 2009)
NICE HOMELESS HELPERS
People who help the
Homeless are
Shitheads.(February 2009)
PARENTAL ADVICE
Don't be like
Your mother and
Father.(February 2009)
GODDAMN WASTE OF TIME
Occupations are a goddamn waste of time.
Hobbies are a goddamn waste of time.
Friends are a goddamn waste of time.
Charities are a goddamn waste of time.
Exercise is a goddamn waste of time.
Vacations are a goddamn waste of time.
Love is a goddamn waste of time.
Eating is a goddamn waste of time.
Breathing is a goddamn waste of time.
Living is a goddamn waste of time.
Everything is a goddamn waste of time.(January 2009)
ANXIETY
Education causes anxiety.
Generosity causes anxiety.
Pets cause anxiety.
Housework causes anxiety.
Health causes anxiety.
Haircuts cause anxiety.
Doctors cause anxiety.
Sex causes anxiety.
Eating causes anxiety.
Francine causes anxiety.(January 2009)
KINDNESS DON'T COUNT
In this great big world
Kindness don't count.
You can give and help and give but
Kindness don't count.
(January 2009)
SISSY DOUGHNUT
Have a sissy doughnut
With cream cheese on the top.
Eat the sissy doughnut
With a pile of pygmy slop.(January 2009)
YES WE CAN'T
Can we do better?
Yes we can't.
Can we make a difference in our lives?
Yes we can't.
Can we be any more gullible than we already are?
Yes we can't.
Can we learn from our mistakes?
Yes we can't.
(January 2009)
MAKE A DIFFERENCE
You can try to make a difference
But in the big scheme of things
The difference you make
Will be negligible.(November 2008)
JENNY DOESN'T LIKE IT
Jenny doesn't like it
But she doesn't say anything.
Jenny doesn't like her friends
But she still hangs around with them anyway.
Jenny doesn't like her life
And yet she doesn't
Do a damn thing
About it.(November 2008)
NO FIX
If it is broken
Don't fix it.
(November 2008)
IGNORANCE
There is no problem
So big
That it cannot be
Ignored.(November 2008)
UP DOWN
The economy is up.
The economy is down.
Things are looking up.
Things are looking down.
Gas prices are up.
Gas prices are down.
Intelligence is down.
Intelligence is down.
Intelligence is way, way
Down.(November 2008)
no caps
in the future
all letters will be lower case
for fifteen
seconds.(November 2008)
SHUT THE...
Shut the hell up.
Shut the up up.
Shut the damn up.
Shut the bucket up.
Puck the fluckit cup.
Plup the shuckit flup.
Shut the flea-infested fairy dog in Arkansas
Up.
(November 2008)
KICKS
Kicks just keep getting
Harder to find
So you might as well stop
Looking for them.(November 2008)
BOYS AND GIRLS
Which is better,
Boys or girls?
Boys are bad.
Girls are bad, too.
Boys and girls are both
Bad.(November 2008)
TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY COMMANDMENTS
Thou shalt not vote.
Thou shalt not give to charities.
Thou shalt not go green.
Thou shalt not listen to (c)rap-hop.
Thou shalt not wear teeny tiny little glasses that make thou look like thou is a sissy.
Thou shalt not pierce thyself anywhere.
Thou shalt not help those less fortunate than thouself.
Thou shalt not do anything that all the other
Twenty-first century sheeple
Do.(November 2008)
NOWHERE, MAN
There is a place
We all go when we die.
There is a place
Where there is no crime and no hate.
There is a place in the sky where
We will all live in harmony.
That place is
Nowhere.(November 2008)
GIVE AND EAT
You have to give
In order to receive.
You have to eat
In order to defecate.(November 2008)
JESUS AND THE LAMB
Jesus had a little lamb,
He chained it to his truck.
He dragged it for one hundred miles
And then said,
"That's enough."(November 2008)
PENNY PEOPLES
Pennies don't matter none
And neither does
Peoples.(November 2008)
SHE SHIT
She shit and shit and shit and shit
And then she shit some more.
She shit on Christmas,
Green and red.
She shit on New Year's
In her bed.(October 2008)
INTENT
Words only hurt
Those who allow them
To have the effect
For which they are
Intended.(October 2008)
CLOUD LINING
Every cloud has a
Green lining.
Every cloud has an
Enamel lining.
Every cloud has a
Blinding lining.
Every cloud has an
Asbestos lining.(October 2008)
MAMMY'S LITTLE UNGRATEFUL BABY
Mammy's little baby hates
Mammy.(October 2008)
PEOPLE ARE SO GREAT
People are so great.
They never let you down.
People are so great.
They never ever lie.
People are so great.
They always learn from their mistakes.
People are so great.
They make you feel ashamed
To be a people.(October 2008)
DOUBT
When you begin
To doubt yourself
You are on the road
To recovery.(October 2008)
TONIGHT
I wish I may
I wish I might
Watch them fry in Hell
Tonight.(October 2008)
YEAH, RIGHT
Everyone is unique and different
In their own special way.
Yeah, right.
There really is a God.
Yeah, right.
You have to believe in something.
Yeah, right.
You must be extremely unhappy.
Yeah, right.(October 2008)
GOOD GLOBAL WARMUP
The quicker things
Heat up and die
The better.(October 2008)
DON'T JUDGE DO JUDGE
Don't judge people because of
The color of their skin.
Don't judge people because of
Their religion.
Don't judge people because of
Their sexual orientation.
Oh hell,
Go ahead and judge 'em.
Everyone else
Does.(October 2008)
STILLBORN TWINS FAIRY TALE
Once upon a time
They were both born
Dead.(October 2008)
DON'T VOTE
Every vote counts
And that is the
Problem.(October 2008)
WISHY WASHY
When you wish upon a star
Nothing happens.(October 2008)
HURRICANE
Hurricane blew my
Kids away.
Thank you
Hurricane.(September 2008)
FAMILY-ORIENTED ENTERTAINMENT
Family-oriented entertainment
Is entertainment that is
Bland and
Boring.(September 2008)
TO BROADWAY
Give my regards to Broadway.
Give my leotards to Broadway.
Give my cigars to Broadway.
Give my bowel movements
To Broadway.(September 2008)
OSTRICH
Here an ostrich.
There an ostrich.
Everyone's an
Ostrich ostrich.(September 2008)
SHIT TO THE MUSIC
Okay everybody,
Lemme hear you.
Put your hands together now.
Okay lemme hear you
Shit to the music.
I can't hear you,
C'mon everybody.
All together now.
Shit to the music.(September 2008)
LET THEM EAT CRAP
Crap is what
They are hungry for so
Let them eat it.(September 2008)
NOMO HOMO NOMO
No more homosexual in
World no more.
They very tiring things
So decision was making for
Shut them out.
Phony artificial lifestyle
No longer have ability
To infect total and
Perfect reality.
Now when homo near
We no make eye contact
And only speak
When absolute for
Necessary.(September 2008)
TOILET BABY
Wash your baby
In the toilet.
Use feces for soap
And use urine
To rinse.(September 2008)
I WANNA HOLD
I wanna hold your hand.
I wanna hold your liver.
I wanna hold your spinal cord.
I wanna hold your lungs.
I wanna hold your tongue.
I wanna hold your intestines.(September 2008)
BITCHES AND BASTARDS
Bitches teach.
Bastards play sports.
Bitches cook.
Bastards drink beer.
Bitches embrace diversity.
Bastards donate to charities.(September 2008)
TURN INTO SHIT
Animals turn into shit.
Plants turn into shit.
Clouds turn into shit.
People turn into shit.(September 2008)
GO TO THE BATHROOM
Go to the bathroom
In your hand.
Go to the bathroom
In your shoe.
Go to the bathroom
In Japan.
Go to the bathroom
In Peru.(September 2008)
TV
Your TV will never
Stop working because
Your TV never started
Working.(August 2008)
PRAY HARD
If you pray too hard
Your balls will fall
Off.(August 2008)
NEVER FORGET
Never forget
What you cannot
Remember.(August 2008)
WORK
Work is
Imaginary.(August 2008)
LIVE AND DIE
Live your life
Then die.(August 2008)
FLUSH FRIENDS
Flush your friends
Down the
Drain.(August 2008)
LOVE TO EVERYONE
Goddamn nature.
Goddamn space.
Goddamn animals.
Goddamn the human race.(August 2008)
HAPPY DUMMIES
Millions and millions of
Happy dummies greedily swallowing
All the idiotic crap that is shoved down
Their stupid goddamn throats.(August 2008)
MEAT SANDWICH
Put something dead
On a piece of bread
And eat it.(August 2008)
HOW TO HAVE FUN WITH A DEAD PERSON
1. Locate one person.
2. Make the person dead.
3. Have fun with the person.(August 2008)
EAT AND EAT
Eat and eat and eat and eat
And eat and eat and eat.Then fart and vomit and
Shit.(August 2008)
CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN
Change we can believe in.
Change we can believe in.
Change we can believe in.Change mindless sheep too stupid to know any better
Can believe in.(August 2008)
FINEST
Wear the finest clothes.
Drive the finest cars.
Live in the finest neighborhoods.
Associate with the finest people.
Deteriorate into the
Finest particles.(August 2008)
IN THEIR OWN WAY
Everyone is beautiful
In their own way.
Everyone is uniquely different
In their own way.
Everyone is kinda lost and indifferent
In their own way.
Everyone would be better off dead
In their own way.(August 2008)
JESUS DYED
Jesus dyed his hair
For your sins.
Jesus dyed his eyebrows
For your sins.
Jesus dyed his mother's underarm hair
For your sins.
Jesus dyed his pubic hair
For your sins.(June 2008)
BLOOD IS
Blood is black.
Blood is blue.
Blood is purple.
Blood is green.(June 2008)
WILL OF THE PEOPLE
The will of the people is
Wrong.
The will of the people has always been
Wrong.
The will of the people will always be
Wrong.(June 2008)
EMBRYO
Kill the evil that
Lives inside
You.(June 2008)
BABY TALK
How could anyone not hate
Babies?
They're ugly.
They smell like shit.
And they grow into
Adults.(June 2008)
HOW
How do you do.
How do you don't.
How are you.
How are you not.
How is everything.
How is nothing.
(June 2008)
ENOUGH
No matter
How many people die
In natural disasters
It will never be
Enough.(June 2008)
NUMB AND NUMBER
One plus one is one.
Two plus two is two.
Three plus three is three.
Four plus four is four.(June 2008)
IGNORANCE
Ignorance was genuine
In the past.
People were truly
Naive.
Over the years ignorance
Evolved.
Now people know better
But they choose to
Ignore it.(June 2008)
OVER
You can get over anything
If you live long
Enough.(June 2008)
CAPITAL
The capital of Massachusetts is
Miami.
The capital of Texas is
Maryland.
The capital of Australia is
Romania.
The capital of Japan is
Frosted Nugget.(June 2008)
EYE CONTACT
Don't look anyone
Straight in the eye.
If you do they will
Pull you into their
Confused little universe
And you will be imprisoned there
Forever.(June 2008)
FOLLOW
Don't follow your
Dreams.
Don't follow anything.(June 2008)
STAR
When you wish
Upon a star
You are wasting your
Time.(June 2008)
APPLE
An apple a day
Makes the doctor
Put on a big ol' frilly skirt
And twirl around in circles
Like a retarded goddamn
Ballerina.(May 2008)
CUT OFF
Cut off your arms.
Cut off your legs.
Cut off your head.
Cut 'em all off.
(May 2008)
RELIGIOSITY
Religion causes
Cancer.(May 2008)
GOAT INVENTIONS
The road to
Happiness is paved with
Goat inventions.(May 2008)
SOULS
All the millions upon millions
Of lost souls in the world.(May 2008)
SPORT
Throw the ball.
Catch the ball.
Run after the ball.
Drop the ball and
Cry.(May 2008)
WIVES
All men are turned
Off by their
Wives.(May 2008)
LITTLE OLD
Little old ladies
Smell like little old
Babies.(May 2008)
WIPE YOUR ASS
Wipe your ass with your hand.
Wipe your ass with your driver's license.
Wipe your ass with your money.
Wipe your ass with your birth certificate.
Wipe your ass with your family photographs.
Wipe your ass with your social security card.
Wipe your ass with your computer.
Wipe your ass with your cell phone.
Wipe your ass with your children.
Wipe your ass with your mailbox.
Wipe your ass with your furniture.
Wipe your ass with your pets.
Wipe your ass with your occupation.
Wipe your ass with your insects.
Wipe your ass with your veins.
Wipe your ass with your liver.
Wipe your ass with your nostrils.
(May 2008)
SUPERVISOR
Beat on your supervisor
Until it is
Dead.(May 2008)
THINGS
All things is just plain
Wrong.
(May 2008)
CUP
Throw up into a cup.
Drink from the cup until
You are full.
Throw up into a cup.
Drink from the cup until
You are full.
Throw up into a cup.
Drink from the cup until
You are full.
Throw up into a cup.
Drink from the cup until
You are full.
(May 2008)
TELL YOUR CHILDREN
Tell your children that there is no Santa Clause.
Tell your children that there is no God.
Tell your children that you do not love them.
Tell your children that there is no reason to live.
Tell your children that the world is a terrible place.
Tell your children that you wish they had never been born.
Tell your children that you won't be there when they need you.
Tell your children that there is no life after death.
Tell your children
The truth.(May 2008)
MARY HAD
Mary had a little lamb,
She cut off all its nipples
And everywhere that Mary went
She got knocked up by cripples.(April 2008)
HAIRY MAD
Hairy Mad, the little blotch,
With sneeze and glossy browers
And fairly where the congos bent
Her freezie fists benched blouse.
(April 2008)
GRAMMAR
Where oh where is Grammar?
She's out in the fields
All covered with blood
Where the trees and the clovers
Grow.(April 2008)
STABBED BABIES
Babies that are stabbed
During the first three months of life
Are ten times more likely
To succeed.(April 2008)
GOD BLESS
God bless
This food that we are about to eat.
God bless
Our blenders and our washing machines.
God bless
The feces that rests quietly at the bottom of our septic tanks.(April 2008)
CHUNKS
When she was whole
She was such an old nag.
Now she's just chunks
In a bag.(April 2008)
TURNS
Let's take turns so that
Every turn we make
Will be a wrong turn.(April 2008)
WHAT WOMEN WANT
Women want to be
Men.(April 2008)
GREEN FINGERS
Black and white
And everything in between.
God hates them all so much
That his fingers turn green.(April 2008)
SITTING ON A WALL
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Sat on the wall too.
Everybody sat on the stupid goddamn
Wall.(April 2008)
DEMOCRATIC FAILURE
Democracies will always fail
Because the majority of people
Will always vote for the wrong
Person.(April 2008)
SCRAMBLED EGG
Scrambled egg.
My ex-wife hopped off on her one leg.
She took me to court and made me beg.
Oh I believe in scrambled egg.Suddenly I'm one-tenth the man I used to be.
I can't get it up or even pee.
Oh scrambled egg...did this to me.Why she had to go I suppose
She hated me.
I said something smart now I fart
And she smells partially
Digested egg.(April 2008)
PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION
Public transportation
Is a bad idea because
It moves people around
Who really need to stay in one
Place.(April 2008)
PLASTICIZED CORPSE
Oh I wish I were a plasticized corpse.
That is what I'd truly like to be.
'Cause if I were a plasticized corpse
Everyone would be in love with me.(March 2008)
BISEXUAL DILEMMA
Pussy or dick.
Pussy or dick.
One or the other,
Make your mind up
Quick.(March 2008)
BLUEBIRDS DIE
If happy little bluebirds die
Beyond the rainbow,
Why oh why
Can't I?
(March 2008)
MAGIC SHIT
Take a magic shit
And put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away.
Take a magic shit
And put it in your pocket,
Save it for a
Rainy day.(March 2008)
SEA MONKEYS
Eat a goddamn plate full of
Fried sea monkeys.(March 2008)
FELLOWS
Hate your fellow woman.
Hate your fellow man.
Hate your fellow children.
Hate your goddamn fellows.(March 2008)
WRONG PEOPLE
The people have spoken
And, as usual,
They are
Wrong.(March 2008)
CADAVERS
All the king's horses and
All the king's men
Dined on cadavers and
Farted again.(March 2008)
COLLEGE SHOOTINGS
When you are sad and
Don't know what to do
College shootings will
Save you from the blues.(March 2008)
EXPONENTIAL PROBLEM
Some people
Don't want any children
While others want
As many as
Possible.(March 2008)
UGLY TOO
The world is ugly,
Your friends are too.
Your body is ugly
And so are you.(March 2008)
SCREW IT
Our economy is in terrible shape.
Screw it.
Global warming is destroying our environment.
Screw it.
People are killing each other all over the world.
Screw it.
Everything is totally messed up to the point of no return.
Screw it.(March 2008)
NAN
I threw my baby
In a garbage can and
Two weeks later
I named it
Nan.(March 2008)
ORIGINAL MESSAGES
Hi. I am in a band called BLRJJJ-389
And we just released a new CD called Crinny-Slaw Binse.
Would you be interested in reviewing it on your web site?
Hi. I am in a band called UNBER-VUIEEE
And we just released a new CD called Song for Song Song.
Would you be interested in reviewing it on your web site?
Hi. I am in a band called RICTA BOWBOW PIZZ
And we just released a new CD called Quibb Quibb Pie Pie.
Would you be interested in reviewing it on your web site?
Hi. I am in a band called NOBBLE DEEMIE DEE
And we just released a new CD called Crummy Home Recorded Dribble.
Would you be interested in reviewing it on your web site?
Hi. I am in a band called YEEEEEEEEEEE, THE CRISPEST NOODLE BITS
And we just released a new CD called Ting-Tong Tina and Her Trebbly Tent.
Would you be interested in reviewing it on your web site?
(March 2008)
ERNEST ANGLEY'S REQUEST
Say "Baby."
Say "Jesus."
Say "Baby."
Say "Jesus."Now say "Baby Jesus"
You retarded
Sheepsters.(February 2008)
PUPPY EATING CONTEST
Puppy Eating Contest
Is competition for seeing
Who is ability for
Eating most newborn puppy
In one sitting.(February 2008)
INCISIONS
Make one inch incision
In forearm.
Now make two inch deep incision
In back of neck.
Then make four inch deeper incision
In lower abdomen.
Keep making plenty more incision
Until satisfaction is
Reaching.(February 2008)
YO-YO WITH NOODLE
Happy playtime
What is small round toy
On string.
After playtime is
Finishing, nourishment
With extra spicy
Noodle.(February 2008)
HOMOSEXUAL SOCIAL
Ugly world of
Homosexual social
Center around superficial thought
With unhealthy focus
On material thing
And sex organ.(February 2008)
JUST LIKE PARENT
One day child
Is grow up to be
Just like parent.
Fill with same guilt,
Confusion, and mental
Disturbing.(February 2008)
RESTAURANT REGRET
Am to become
Very tiring of constant for
Working in restaurant.
Stir fry and cook and
Stir fry and cook every
Day of life.
Always try pleasing for American
Customer who is
Never really for
Pleasing.(February 2008)
HUMAN TRAFFICKING
Human trafficking
Very good thing.
Can buy every other thing,
Now people no
Exception.(February 2008)
PRETTY BALLOON
Pretty balloon
All cover with blood
To hover high in sky.
Bluebird fly into for
Causing of burst.Now red bird
Fly funny.
(February 2008)
HUMPTY DUMPTY HO HUM
Humpty Dumpty
Sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty
Had a great fall.
All the king's horses and
All the king's men
Didn't give a damn and
Went home.(February 2008)
ME AND BOBBY McOIL
Freedom is just
Another word for
Oil.(January 2008)
GREEN
Green, green, green.
Shut up about
Green.(January 2008)
I'M THE MOMMY, THAT'S WHY
Why do I get to stay up late at night?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.
Why do I get to drive a car and you don't?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.
Why do I get to beat the dog when I get angry?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.
Why do I get to eat and you don't?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.
Why do I get to do whatever I want while you stay locked in a closet bound with duct tape?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.
Why do I get to sniff and snort and shoot fun things all day long?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.
Why do I get to screw with your head whenever I feel like it?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.(January 2008)
LAURA BUSH'S TURDS
Laura's turds
Are so warm and slender
Swimming 'round
Inside a blender.(January 2008)
ASSHOLES OF TOMORROW
The children of today
Are the assholes of
Tomorrow(January 2008)
WORLD NO WORLD
There's a world outside
But there is no
World.(January 2008)
BENAZIR BUTTHOLE
Benazir Butthole was a wonderful woman.
Benazir Butthole contributed so much to society.
Benazir Butthole was a kind and giving lady.
But now Benazir Butthole is just a pile of
Motionless bones and rotting
Flesh.(January 2008)
EVERYBODY ALL AT ONCE
Everybody clap your hands together.
Everybody march together for charity.
Everybody sing together in unison.
Everybody get really angry together and
Tear each other to shreds.(January 2008)
SEE THE REAL UGLY
Look into the sky and
See the ugly.
Look out over the ocean and
See the ugly.
Look into the eyes of your friends and
See the ugly.
Look into the mirror and
See the real ugly.(January 2008)
SCIENCE AND HISTORY
Science is a wonderful waste of time.
History is a wonderful waste of time.
Science is wonderful and
History is wonderful but
They are both just a waste
Of time.(January 2008)
TERMINAL BATHROOM
Go to the bathroom
And never come out again.(January 2008)
ROCK AND ROLL LIKE RETARDS
Rock and roll
You idiots.
Everybody dance
Like retards.
Let's all get drunk
So that we can
Rock and roll
Like retards.(January 2008)
BEAUTY NO BEAUTY
If there is beauty
In everything
Why is there no
Beauty in
Anything?(January 2008)
PIG PEOPLE
Deep down inside
All people are
Lying, cheating,
Self-absorbed
Pigs.(January 2008)
babysue'S REPETITIVE VENOM
I just don't understand you babysue people at all.
All you do is criticize and complain
And tear everyone to shreds.
Why are you so angry at the world?
Do you think it is cool to cut everyone down?
Well, it isn't.
Your thoughts and ideas may have been interesting
At one point in time but now they are just
Repetitive and boring.
If you hate society so much why don't you
Just give up and kill yourselves?
Do us all a favor and lighten up.
Your kind of humor isn't the least bit
Funny at all.
And by the way, your poetry
Sucks.(January 2008)
OPRAH, HOW COULD YOU?
Oprah, how could you?
You got caught with your
Panties down.
Doin' things to them girliepoos
That you said was so wrong.See what you get
For tryin' to improve the world?
Slapped in the face with a lawsuit
For tryin' to mess around with them
Teenage girls.(November 2007)
WORLD UNITY
Goddamn the United States.
Goddamn China.
Goddamn Indonesia.
Goddamn Great Britain.
Goddamn Canada.
Goddamn Africa.
Goddamn Poland.
Goddamn France.
Goddamn Australia.
Goddamn Germany.Goddamn everywhere.
(November 2007)
DEMOCRATIC CHOICE
Force democracy
Down everyone's throats
So that no one
Will have a choice.(November 2007)
THE SHROUD OF WHO CARES
Did Jesus' body
Rot into a blanket
And leave an impression
Or did it not.Screw it.
(November 2007)
LOVE IS SHIT
Love is shit.
Shit is love.
Love is shitting,
Shitting love.
Love is asking
To be shit.(November 2007)
SPAIN VS. MEXICO REVISITED
Spain is beautiful.
Mexico is ugly.
Spain is exotic.
Mexico is depressing.
Spain has great music.
Mexico has unlistenable cheeze whiz.
Spain has magnificent architecture.
Mexico has run down shacks.
Spain is wonderful.
Mexico is a smelly pile of vomit.(November 2007)
DOING NOT DOING
Anything worth doing
Is not worth
Doing.(November 2007)
CROSS DUMP APPLAUD
While he was hanging
On the cross,
Bleeding and dying,
Jesus messed all over
Himself and
The crowd roared
With approval.(November 2007)
UTENSILS
You don't need
Forks and knives and spoons
To eat mushrooms.(November 2007)
COLUMBINE KIDS
Those Columbine kids
Were so crafty with tools.
They carried out dreams
Shared by everyone in school.(November 2007)
EXTREME
Extreme hair,
Extreme clothing,
Extreme wrestling,
Extreme music,
Extreme racing,
Extreme makeovers.When everything
Is extreme
Nothing is extreme
Anymore.(November 2007)
BLOWING UP THE WORLD
The answer my friend is
Blowing up the world.
The answer is blowing up
The world.(November 2007)
FOR YOUR SINS
Jesus dyed his hair
For your sins.
Jesus knitted a lovely little white frock
For your sins.
Jesus coughed up a big greasy furball that had been irritating him for weeks
For your sins.
Jesus crushed up a bump and snorted it
For your sins.(October 2007)
PLANT ABUSE
Abuse a plant.
Cut it.
Burn it.
Threaten it and
Rape it.(October 2007)
HAVE A NICE LITTLE DAY
Have a nice little hour
And a nice little day
And a nice little week
Because next month you will be
Diagnosed with a fatal
Disease that has no
Cure.
(October 2007)
THE LOVE YOU SAVE
Stop the love you save
May be your own filthy
Crusted vomit stuck
On the bottom of the
Floor next to the
Toilet.(October 2007)
LEECHES
Friends are always great
Until you get to know them well
At which point they become
Nothing more than
Selfish, needy
Leeches.(October 2007)
JUMP ROPE
Goddamn your parents.
Goddamn your school.
Goddamn your job.
Goddamn your hobbies.
Goddamn your belongings.
Goddamn your clothes.
Goddamn your stupid goddamn
Jump rope.(October 2007)
FART ABOUT
Assholes fart about
Freedom because
They don't know
What else to
Fart about.(October 2007)
FACE OF THE INTERNET
The best thing
About the internet
Is that it makes it possible
To communicate with everyone
Under the sun without ever
Having to look at their
Ugly sickening
Faces.(October 2007)
THEIR MOST BEAUTIFUL CLOTHES
When someone close to you dies
Have them buried in
Their most beautiful clothes.
As they deteriorate and rot
They will slowly liquify and be absorbed by
Their most beautiful clothes.(October 2007)
TICKING LICKING
The clock is ticking.
Tick, tick, tick.
The dog is licking.
Lick, lick, lick.(October 2007)
SEXUAL DESIRES
Your shitty little
Sexual desires are
Pathetic and meaningless
In the big scheme of
Things.(October 2007)
FINGERS
Smell your fingers.
Think of all the things that
Your fingers have touched.
Look at your fingers.
Think of all the things that
Your fingers have done.Think of all the evil things
You have done with your fingers.
Think of all the horrible crimes
That you have committed
With your fingers.Now close your eyes and dream.
Your fingers are
Extensions of the
Devil that lives
Inside your
Soul.(October 2007)
CHARACTER
No one
Is a good judge of
Character.(October 2007)
NIGHTMARES
When we are young
We have dreams.
When we are old
We have dreams.
But in between
We have nothing but
Nightmares.(October 2007)
WHO-TECH JOKE
How do you greet
Pete Townsend?"Hi-Def!"
(September 2007)
JOIN THE ARMY
Join the army
If you are confused.
Join the army
If you are lonely.
Join the army
If you cannot decide what to do with your life.
Join the army
If you have no other choice.(September 2007)
SNITCHIN'
Stop snitchin'.
Don't tell the police nothing.
Stop schoolin'.
There ain't no reason to go to school no way.
Stop workin'.
All jobs is just a waste of time.
Stop breathin'.
Breathin' won't get you nowhere.(September 2007)
PIT BULL AND BABY FIGHTS
Traditional Dog Fights aren't
Fun anymore.
Pit Bull and Baby Fights
Are the new
Entertainment.Hint: Always bet on the
Pit Bull.(September 2007)
ALWAYS GIVE UP HOPE
When things look really, really bad,
Always give up hope.
When horrifying events occur in your life,
Toss your will to live aside.
When you are at the bottom of your rope,
Let go of the rope.
When there is nothing left to live for,
Give up and die.(September 2007)
TINY MAGNETS AND LEAD PAINT
Give your child
Tiny magnets covered with
Lead paint.
Give it tiny magnets.
Give it lead paint.
Give it tiny magnets
Covered with lead
Paint.(September 2007)
KILLERS
Fran killed Harold.
Harold killed Kate.
Kate killed Bobby and
Bobby killed Nate.(September 2007)
GLOBAL DUCK AND COVER
Global warming
Could destroy us all.
But just in case,
Duck and cover.(September 2007)
SPACEY
The space program
Is a waste.
Space exploration
Is a waste.(September 2007)
CUPCAKE LOVE
Vomit in a
Cupcake pan and
Place it in the oven.
Feed the cupcakes
To your friends to
Show 'em that
You love 'em.(September 2007)
WARM MOIST TURDS
Two warm moist turds
Sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
First comes love,
Then comes marriage.
Then comes five hundred more
Warm moist turds sloppily
Lobbed all over the place
In a goddamn baby carriage.(September 2007)
LOVE
Love is hate.
Hate is love.
Love is hating,
Hating love.
Love is asking
To be hated.(September 2007)
MICHAEL VICK
Let's all condemn
Michael Vick
For being cruel to
Animals.
When he gets
Convicted and
Thrown in jail
We will celebrate
By having great big
Steaks for
Dinner.
(September 2007)
MUSIC, DISAPPOINTMENT, AND GUILT
Thank you for the free music.
We will try to listen to it.We are so sorry that we
Did not have time to
Listen to the music.Now you feel disappointed
And we feel
Guilty.(September 2007)
PLASTIC TUBA
Sag and pucker
All the way from
Dixieland to Cuba.
Snort a milkshake
On the plane by using
Plastic tuba.(September 2007)
AIR GOD
God is like
Air.
Unnecessary and
Invisible.(September 2007)
DISPOSABLE
Disposable watches.
Disposable cameras.
Disposable telephones.
Disposable friends.
Disposable families.
Disposable memories.(August 2007)
SARCASTIC CHILDREN
Our children
Are sarcastic because
The things we teach them are
Stupid.(August 2007)
FAMILY VALUES
Family values
Offer guidance for
Assholes.(August 2007)
INJECTION
Inject yourself
With a substance that is
Lethal.(August 2007)
SPOT REMOVAL
Remove yourself
From the spot you're in
So that there will be
No evidence that you were
Here.(August 2007)
HEALTH DON'T CARE
Your health
Don't give a
Damn.(August 2007)
UNFAIR
Those who whine loudest
About unfairness in the world
Are those who don't deserve
A single goddamn thing.(August 2007)
BABY SKIN
Skin your baby,
Rip it off quick.
Muffle its screams with
A big hard
Stick.(August 2007)
BEST FRIENDS
God and Satan
Are the best of
Friends.(August 2007)
HABITAT FOR OUR VANITY
Let's all build crappy homes
For retarded losers so that we can
Brag about how kind and generous
We are.(August 2007)
HISTORICAL
History is
Shit.(August 2007)
DOG FIGHT
Dog fight is
Good entertainment
Where one dog fight
Other dog to
Death.(August 2007)
GET OUT OF SCHOOL
The more you put
Into your schoolwork
The less you will
Get out.(August 2007)
DELICIOUS
All harsh chemicals are
Delicious.(August 2007)
EDUCATION
Schools teach children
How to hate one
Another.(August 2007)
THE BIG REWARD
If you work hard enough
You will eventually be rewarded
With nothing.(August 2007)
UNINTERESTING
Life and death are both
Equally uninteresting.(August 2007)
BEAUTIFUL LIGHT
The beautiful light in heaven
Will burn you into pieces
As you enter.(August 2007)
CHOICE
When given a choice
People will always
Make the wrong
Decision.(August 2007)
JESUS COLORS
Red and yellow,
Black and white.
Jesus hates them all.(August 2007)
TEAMWORK
If everyone works together
Nothing will ever get done.(August 2007)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Celebrate
Your goddamn birthday
With a shitty goddamn cake
And worthless goddamn
Presents.(August 2007)
WINE AND DINE
Wine and dine.
Wine and dine.
Stuff your fat jowels
All the time.(August 2007)
SEEDY
Plant a seed and
Watch it grow.
Then spray it with
Weed killer and
Watch it die.(August 2007)
NEATO
Our friends are all dying
And rotting away.
Neato.(August 2007)
ORGANIC
Organic this.
Organic that.
You're still grotesque,
Ugly, and
Fat.(August 2007)
WARHOLIC REASON
In the future
Everyone will be
Reasonable for
Fifteen minutes.(August 2007)
YOU HAVE VOMIT
You have vomit in your teeth.
You have vomit in your hair.
You have vomit on your face.
Vomit, vomit, everywhere.You have vomit in your eyes.
You have vomit on your thighs.
You have vomit in your cheeks.
You have vomit in your speech.You have vomit under your arms.
You have vomit in your pubic hair.
You have vomit on your feet.
You have vomit, that is neat.You have vomit in your veins.
You have vomit in your fart.
You have vomit in your brain.
You have vomit in your heart.(August 2007)
APOLOGY ACCEPTED
Run over your baby
With a big car really fast.
Throw your goddamn baby
Into a dumpster and run away.
Kick your beautiful baby
So hard that its little bones break.
Then kiss your precious baby and
Tell it how sorry you are.(August 2007)
SOUL MUSIC
The music you make
Represents the crap
Inside your
Soul.(August 2007)
CUTLERY
Nip and tuck,
Nip and tuck.
No amount of surgery
Will ever be enough.(August 2007)
A LITTLE ALCOHOL
Alcohol is the dumbest drug,
The dumbest drug of all.
So what if it is legal?
It just makes you feel small.(August 2007)
SEXY SHUT UP
Everyone
Should shut up
About sex.(August 2007)
JESUS SAYS SEW
Sew your vagina shut
With polyester thread.
Let it stay that way for years,
That's what Jesus says.(August 2007)
SCHOLASTIC
Guns in school?
Yes, okay.
We will learn a lot
Today.(August 2007)
MAMMAL DINNER
Bake your mammal
At 450 degrees
For 3 hours.
Then hack it up and
Eat it.(August 2007)
BAD ART
Art is poison
For the mind.
Look at art and you'll go
Blind.(August 2007)
BURIAL
Plant yourself
In the ground
And rot there
Forever.(August 2007)
LAME
Birth and death
Are one and the same.
Each, like the other,
Is totally lame.(August 2007)
FAILURE
If at first you don't succeed
Mumble goddamn several times
And walk away.(August 2007)
HOLY FRESH
Drill holes
In your breasts
To keep the milk
Fresh.(August 2007)
FREEDOM OF HATE
You can hate anyone anywhere you like
For whatever reason you choose.You can hate them because of their voice.
You can hate them because of their smell.
You can hate them because of their sexual orientation.
You can hate them because of their personality.
You can hate them because of their opinions.
You can hate them because of their hair.
You can hate them because of their race.
You can hate them because of their weight.You can hate anyone anywhere you like
For whatever goddamn reason you choose.(August 2007)
SALT YOUR VAGINA
Salt your vagina
And do it today.
If you don't salt it
Your hair will turn
Gray.(July 2007)
FRIENDS
Friends are just strangers
Who haven't pissed on us
Yet.(July 2007)
LEARNING CURVE
Slap your child
When it is nursing
And it will learn.(July 2007)
POWERLESS
God doesn't have the
Power to do
Anything.(July 2007)
MOMMY'S MIDDLE-AGED PIGLETS
Mommy's
Middle-aged piglets
Still living at home
Sucking on breasts
That dried up decades
Ago.(July 2007)
THE BEST CHOICE
Suicide is
Always the best
Choice.
(July 2007)
METHELPERS
Jesus helps those
Who help themselves to
Meth.(July 2007)
OPPOSE AND SUPPORT
Two-faced hypocritical
Lame-brain cheeseballs
Oppose the war and
Support the troops.
(July 2007)
TWO THINGS
God and Family.
Two things
That shouldn't matter to
Anyone.(July 2007)
ENEMIC
Politicians are our
Enemies.
Celebrities are our
Enemies.
Animals are our
Enemies and
Our friends are
Our enemies.(July 2007)
DUMPTY DUMPTY
Dumpty Dumpty
Dumped on a wall.
Dumpty Dumpty
Dumped in the hall.
All the king's horses
And all the king's men
Couldn't stop Dumpty
From dumping
Again.(July 2007)
MUSIC HOLE
Fill your hole
With music
Until it starts to bubble.
Music is like
Life itself...
Just a bunch of
Trouble.(July 2007)
DESK
We bought a used desk
From a nearby couple
Who run a Christian-based business
That helps young boys
Find their way in life.When we got the desk home
We found pornographic magazines
Hidden inside featuring
Interracial sex and
Bestiality.(July 2007)
BIRTH DEFECT
Birth defect
Is how Jesus
Tell us that he
Love us.(July 2007)
NURSE BALLS
Show me a
Nurse with balls
And I'll show you
A cow that makes
House calls.(June 2007)
WISHFUL TRUTH
When you wish
Upon a star
It goddamn sure as Hell
Makes a great big
Goddamn difference
Who the Hell
You are.
(June 2007)
EVERYTHING ON YOUR PLATE
If you don't eat
Everything on your plate
Everything on your plate
Will eat
You.(June 2007)
DARFUR
Darfur is a
Nifty place where
Everything is groovy.
Everyone is happy there
Just like in a
Movie.(June 2007)
LAUGHS
Natural disasters
Are always good
For a few
Laughs.(June 2007)
WHAT LIFE IS
Life is neat.
Life is cool.
Life is replaceable.
Life is uncomfortable.(June 2007)
LOB
When in doubt
Lob a turd.(June 2007)
CRUMMY
Old is crummy.
Young is crummy.
Crummy, crummy, crummy.(June 2007)
CAUSE AND EFFECT
When women reproduce
Angels fart.(June 2007)
NUFFIN
Animals is nuffin.
People is nuffin.
Earth is nuffin.
Nuffin is nuffin.(June 2007)
DEAR babysue / LMNOP:
If you don't listen
To my music and
Write something positive about it
I will hate you
Forever.(June 2007)
CRISIS NOT A CRISIS
Mad cow disease is a crisis.
Now it is not a crisis.
Bird flu is a crisis.
Now it is not a crisis.
Global warming is a crisis.
Now it is not a crisis.
Everything is a crisis.
Now everything is not a crisis.
(June 2007)
PUPPY POPS
Boil the puppy
Until the skin
Pops.(May 2007)
DOORS
Here's the church and
Here's the steeple.
Open the doors and see shitty
People.(May 2007)
FUN
She bludgeoned her husband
With a hammer.
She shot all her children
With a gun.
She took her own life
With a carving knife
Because she thought dying was
Fun.(May 2007)
FAMILIAR
Your father is a liar.
Your mother is a bitch.
Your brother is a faggot and
Your sister is a witch.(May 2007)
GOD WILL DAMN YOU
When you wish upon a star
God will damn you.
When you do a good deed
God will damn you.
When you help those in need
God will still damn you.
When you don't do anything at all
God will continue to damn you
Forever.(May 2007)
BITTER OLD BITTIES
Pity the bitter old bitties
Because they are bitter.
Give up on bitter old bitties
While you're on the shitter.(May 2007)
LIVING IN HELL
Corporate accountants,
Financial agents, and
Attorneys are already dead
Because they are already living
In Hell.(May 2007)
WITHOUT YOU
I used to think
I couldn't live without you.
Now I know I'm
Better off
Without you.(May 2007)
PAYMENT REQUIRED
This man will dance with you if you
Pay him to dance with you.
This man will take you on trips
If you will pay for the trips.
This man will stay by your side forever
If you pay him to stay by your side forever.(May 2007)
STUFF
The world is
Full of stuff and
None of it means
Anything.(May 2007)
ZERO HERO TODAY
When everyone
Is hero today
No one
Is hero today.(May 2007)
NO BIG DEAL
Global warming.
It's no big
Deal.(May 2007)
SPAIN VS. MEXICO
Spain is
Fantastic.
Mexico is
Shit.(May 2007)
DUMPSTER BABY
Put your baby
In a dumpster and
Leave it there.(May 2007)
POW. WOW.
The gun went pow.
Wow.(May 2007)
JIMI HENDRIX
Jimi Hendrix
Was cool
Because he
Took drugs.
You be cool
Too.(May 2007)
PUSSYCAT BALLS
Dinky sin is
Grey and smokey.
Dinky sin is
Okey dokey.
Dinky sin is
On the walls.
Dinky sin is
Pussycat balls.(April 2007)
WEALTHY AND CONFUSED
We have
So much money now
That we don't know what
To do with it.(April 2007)
CHATTANOOGA SECRET
Chattanooga is
The greatest city
In the United States.
Thank God hardly anyone
Knows it.(April 2007)
BAD RECEPTION
The reception
Will be a failure
Because hardly anyone will show up
And those that do will be
Disappointed.(April 2007)
FUNERALISTIC
Everyone stand around
Mourning the loss
Of someone whose life
Never mattered anyway.(April 2007)
CHILDLIKE
Children like us
But we never wanted
To be liked by
Children like us.(April 2007)
IRAQ QUACK
Iraq, Iraq, Iraq, Iraq,
Iraq, Iraq,
Iraq.
Quack, quack, quack, quack,
Quack, quack,
Quack.(April 2007)
HANDY BLENDER
Her hands were once so
Warm and tender
Until she put them
In the blender.(April 2007)
RIGHT TO DEATH
Everyone has the right
To end their life
Whenever and however
They choose.(April 2007)
INVISIBLE STAR
When you wish
Upon a star
You will disappear
Instantly.(April 2007)
MOMMY AND DADDY
Mommy and Daddy
Are laying in bed
Wishing and dreaming
They both were
Dead.(April 2007)
THROW UP
When in doubt,
Throw up.
When confused,
Throw up.
When terrified,
Throw up.
When satisfied and content,
Throw up anyway.(April 2007)
OLD MEN OLD WOMEN
All old men
Look just like
Old women.(March 2007)
PRESIDENT SHITTY
The President is
Shitty.
Physically and mentally
Shitty.(March 2007)
SPRING
Spring, glorious Spring.
The time when
Everything starts to
Die.(March 2007)
WIN NOT
Winning isn't
Everything and
Everything isn't
Anything.(March 2007)
ANGEL REACTION
Every time a
Child is born
Angels in the sky
Launch hand grenades
At us.(March 2007)
RECTUMOPHOBIA
An abnormal fear
Of assholes.(March 2007)
BITTLE AND LIG
When I was bittle
I wanted to be lig.
Now that I am lig
I want to be
Bittle.(March 2007)
WALT DISMAL
If Walt Disney
Could see
How his corporation
Has transformed into
A greedy army of
Money hungry pigs
He would probably
Throw up all over
Mickey Mouse.(March 2007)
MONEY BRINGS OUT THE SHIT IN PEOPLE
Money should be
Packaged, marketed,
And sold as a
Laxative.(March 2007)
AUTISTIC RETARDS
No one is
Mentally retarded
Anymore.
Now they are
Autistic.(March 2007)
LESBIANS IS SATAN
Whether they admit it
Or not
All lesbians is Satan.
Some is Satan
In cars.
Some is Satan
In bars.
While still others is Satan
In churches.(February 2007)
FRIENDSHIP
Friendships are fleeting and
Unimportant.
Friends are temporary and
Easily replaced.
(February 2007)
HEAVY METAL ASSHOLES
Look at all the
Heavy metal assholes
Dressing up like drag queens
And screaming like retarded
Baboons.(February 2007)
REPRODUCTION
Those who reproduce
Should not be in the business
Of reproduction.(February 2007)
UNFORTUNATE PIGGY
This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast beef.
This little piggy had none.
But this little piggy experienced
A fatal cranial fracture
That caused him to bleed profusely from both ears
And hobble sideways onto an expressway during rush hour
Where he was run over simultaneously
By three hundred thousand
Cars.(February 2007)
NUDITY IS REPULSIVE
Nudity is repulsive
Because people are
Repulsive.(February 2007)
SEX IDIOTS
Idiots dwell upon sex
Because they are
Idiots.(February 2007)
WRONG IDEA
Those who support
Abortion are wrong.
Those who oppose abortion
Are also wrong.
Everyone is wrong about
Everything.(February 2007)
WEAK, NEEDY, RETARDED
We pray because
We are weak.
We work because
We are needy.
We live because
We are retarded.(February 2007)
FUTURE HELL
Our children are
Our future.
To hell with
The future.(February 2007)
UGLY SKYSCRAPERS
All tall buildings are
Ugly.(February 2007)
ATLANTA ATTRACTION
Atlanta attracts
Assholes.(February 2007)
LOS ANGELES ATTRACTION
Los Angeles attracts
Assholes.(February 2007)
PHONY FART FACTORY
Hollywood is a
Factory for phony
Farts.(February 2007)
PREOCCUPIED
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and
Broke his crown
But Jill was
Too busy to notice
Because she was
Taking pictures with her cell phone and
Diddling with her MP3 player.(February 2007)
UGLY
Children are ugly.
Babies are ugly.
Flowers are ugly.
Ugly, ugly, ugly.Mountains are ugly.
The sky is ugly.
Birds are ugly.
Ugly, ugly, ugly.Women are ugly.
Men are ugly.
Life is ugly.
Ugly, ugly, ugly.(January 2007)
WORDS
Words don't mean
Anything to
Anyone.(January 2007)
PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE
People from the past were
Shitty.People in the present are
Shitty.People in the future
Will always be
Shitty.(January 2007)
POLITICAL TRUTH
Everyone wonders why
Politicians lie.They lie because
If they told the truth
They would never get
Elected.(January 2007)
TRASH SANDWICH
Put cheese on the
Sandwich.
Put lettuce on the
Sandwich.
Put pickles on the
Sandwich.Then throw the
Sandwich in the
Trash.(January 2007)
N'INTEGRITY PAS
Integrity don't matter none
Because there ain't
No one what is got
No integrity no
Way.(January 2007)
AMERICAN COLORS
Red, white, and blue.
They're shitty,
Like you.(January 2007)
DOES NOT MATTER
Life does not
Matter.
Religion does not
Matter.
Freedom does not
Matter.Even if something
Really does matter
It really does not
Matter.(January 2007)
HAVE A BABY
Have a baby
On the sidewalk.
Have a baby
In the fireplace.
Have a baby
In the lobby.
Have a baby
In the toilet.(January 2007)
SHIT EATER
Eat and shit.
Eat and shit.
Eat and shit.Eat and shit some more.
(January 2007)
LITTLE PLASTIC DISKS
When we were young
We collected little plastic disks
Slowly, one by one,
And placed them on a shelf.As we got older
We continued collecting
Little plastic disks
As we became more and more
Obsessed with the idea
Of collecting
Little plastic disks.These days we are overwhelmed
With all the little plastic disks
That consume our
Office suite
And make our lives
So complex that we can
No longer function normally
Anymore.(January 2007)
POEM FOR YOKO
Melt a dead kitten
In the middle of the yard.
Blink three times to bring
The kitten back to life.Practice again on several
Other types of animals.(January 2007)
©2007-2016 LMNOP (aka dONW7)
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